My other self: what's with the tighty-whities?

I was curious what impact my legion of readers (hello? anyone out there?) was having on this blog's standing on the Internet so I did something I haven't done in a while and Googled Paul Ferrer. Things have certainly changed since the last time I checked! Now the first thing you see is images and YouTube videos of a bunch of studly young guys in tiny, body-hugging underwear. And that underwear has "PAUL FERRER" imprinted on the waistband right above the models' packages. It seems that a Colombian underwear company has started doing business using my name. My first thought was, "I've got to get me some of that underwear." No more confusion about whose wears I'm getting out of the wash and folding. Then I wondered whether the models would still have better-looking six-packs than me when they're all 51. Anyway, you know what to bring home for me the next time you're in Colombia. To paraphrase John McPhee in "North of the C.P. Line," I now invariably find myself wishing that I were Paul Ferrer, underwear mogul.

So no blog on page 1 or 2 of the search results. Moving on to page 3, still no blog but I do make my first appearance as Paul Ferrer | Runner on Strava. If you want to follow the exploits of an aging, oft-injured runner, by all means check it out. But I forbid Brad to join Strava and start logging his runs, or there will be nothing left of my already low self-esteem (what with comparing myself to the young underwear models) as he blows by my local segment PRs one after another.

Right after that, you get to my work bio. There are clearly problems with Google's search engine optimization formula (c'mon Google, where's my blog?), but at least they have that right: Running>>>work.

I gave up after 10 pages and no blog and decided to change tack. Google's Blogger platform has some cool tools that let you track such things as pageviews by browser, operating system, and country. As of today, over 10% of my pageviews have come from Russia. Blogger also shows me that the Russian traffic is coming through Google Play from what looks like a dating app (it's in Russian so I can't say for sure) that's labelled Mature 17+. There isn't a whole lot of maturity in this blog (and certainly none in this post) so they're probably not finding much of what they're looking for here, but just in case ...

Dobro pozhalovat, my Russian friends! I have not yet posted a recipe for borscht, but here's something you might like:

Russian Black Bread

Adapted from Bob's Red Mill

I have no idea how Russian this bread really is, but it tastes good. It's a fairly low-rising loaf with a dense crumb. If you want a lighter, fluffier loaf, you can try adding a tablespoon of vital wheat gluten. You can also adjust the caraway seeds to taste if it's too strong (or not strong enough) for you. You can find general instructions for making this bread by hand here.

315 grams (1⅓ cups) water, at room temperature
40 grams (3 tablespoons) neutral-tasting oil
32 grams (1½ tablespoons) molasses or barley malt syrup
22 grams (1½ tablespoons) cider vinegar
340 grams (~2½ cups) unbleached all-purpose flour
150 grams (~1¼ cups) dark rye flour
11 grams (2 tablespoons) unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon instant coffee or espresso powder
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 tablespoon whole caraway seeds
½ teaspoon whole fennel seeds
½ teaspoon minced dried onion, optional
1½ teaspoons instant yeast; or 2 teaspoons active dry yeast

    1. Add the ingredients to your bread machine pan in the order listed.  Set the machine for a 1.5-pound loaf, "Basic" cycle, and "Medium" color, and press "Start."
    2. The first kneading cycle lasts 10 minutes (on my machine). Near the end of that time, check the dough. If it feels a little sticky and there's a slight smear of dough under the knead blade(s), the dough is fine. If the dough is very sticky and clinging to the sides of the bread pan (which is what I found with this loaf), add 1 tablespoon of flour. Allow the flour to be mixed in completely before making any more adjustments. If the dough is dry and very firm and the machine appears to be laboring, add 1 teaspoon of lukewarm water. Allow the water to be mixed in completely before making any more adjustments. The dough is just right when it is smooth and soft, and the bottom of the pan is clean. Because I found this to be a very sticky dough, I checked again during the second kneading cycle (about 45 minutes in, when the alert sounds).
    3. Set a kitchen timer for about 8 minutes shy of the machine's full baking cycle. When the timer sounds, turn the machine off and unplug the power cord. Remove the bread pan, turn it upside down, and shake gently until the loaf comes out. Transfer the loaf to a rack to cool completely. Store the bread cut side down on a piece of foil. Makes one 1¾-pound loaf.