My fig crop, episode V

Our fig tree is outdoing itself this year. We are picking pounds of figs every day, many of them right from the deck because the tree has grown so tall.

Which leads to the inevitable issue of what to do with all of these figs, other than just eating them by the bowlful. 

 

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What you probably have backwards about romantic relationships

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

The title of this 2024 paper by Iris Wahring and colleagues says it all: "Romantic Relationships Matter More to Men than to Women." I bet you had that one backwards.

 

The authors start with the widespread view that women are "more romantic than men, and romantic relationships are assumed to be more central to the lives of women than to those of men." But based on recent research painting a different picture, they propose that, relative to women, men actually (1) "expect to obtain greater benefits from relationship formation and thus strive more strongly for a romantic partner"; (2) "benefit more from romantic relationship involvement in terms of their mental and physical health"; (3) "are less likely to initiate breakups"; and (4) "suffer more from relationship dissolution." 

 

Why should romantic relationships be more consequential to men than to women? It's simple, really: "The basic mechanism [is] that men perceive less intimacy and less emotional support from their social ties beyond romantic partners." In other words, everyone needs intimacy and emotional support, but women can get that from their women friends and family members* while the vast majority of men are not getting enough of that while hanging out with their bros watching sports. So men have to turn to their female romantic partners to get the same kind of emotional support that women are getting from their other social relationships. Men, remember that when you're looking to make some new male friends.

 

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*One theory is that "women (relative to men) are more inclined to turn to others when distressed in a tending and befriending manner – that is, banding together with others for mutual support, resources, and protection," which causes "the release of oxytocin known to facilitate affiliation and emotional bonding with other people."

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Your parents' meet cute

In a recent episode, I mentioned in passing having "had the perfect meet cute with my dream woman 40+ years ago in the Hopkins cafeteria." I was surprised when Moriah texted me to get the scoop on the meet cute because I thought Dylan would have known the story, but he didn't, and apparently neither did the rest of you. So here it is.

The winter solstice

Today is the winter solstice. I bet you didn't know it's one of my favorite days of the year. Why would anyone like the day that's kicking off three months of winter? Simple. I'm almost exclusively an early-morning runner, and the winter solstice is the shortest day of the year. So after today I can look forward to it getting light out just a wee bit earlier every morning until the summer solstice. It makes for seeing some good sunrises while running too.

How to make Mom happy

I just read Drop Dead Healthy, which is a fun book by A.J. Jacobs, who used to write a humor column for Esquire magazine. Jacobs spent two years trying all sorts of different things to try to live healthier and ultimately achieve "bodily perfection." One thing he mentioned early in the book was filling his apartment with plants he called "mother-in-law's tongue," which he says "got their name because of the sharpness of the leaves." (JC would obviously never find this humorous.) They're better known as snake plants (Sansevieria). Jacobs mentioned a NASA study finding that snake plants effectively clean the air in indoor spaces.

 

VEGAN & GLUTEN-FREE snack bites

Every week I read Meera Sodha's column in the Guardian online. It's called "The New Vegan." You'd think that would be enough to tip readers off that the recipes are all vegan. But every week, the column is titled "Meera Sodha's vegan recipe for ..." Why? Clickbait. If you want more clicks, and therefore more ad revenue, you stick "vegan" and/or "gluten-free" at the top of your entry and your number of hits skyrockets. So it's time for me to get with the program (not that I'm making any money off this blog, despite my apparently impressive following in Hong Kong).

 

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Tortilla lessons

Yes, I'm still here. I've just been trying to avoid bringing you less-than-stellar recipes that you're not going to make anyway. Having said that, you're probably not going to use this recipe. But on my fifth try at making homemade tortillas, having consulted four different recipes, I think I figured some things out, so I'm going to post my recipe here for my own benefit the next time I make tortillas. Use it or not, as you like.

Things I learn from a crossword puzzle

Here are some things I learned from the New York Times crossword puzzle (which you can find online from the Seattle Times if you don't have a NYT subscription) for Friday, December 2, 2022:

• Poor Courteney Cox was the only Friends star who never got an Emmy award;
• "Life hacks" include using frozen grapes as ice cubes (so your drink doesn't get watered down) and binder clips as cable organizers, even if "hacks" is a hackneyed word;
• "Codswallop" is a great synonym for "rubbish," as in "the opposing party's argument to the contrary is codswallop"; and
• Onyx is a type of "chalcedony," which unfortunately didn't help me understand what "chalcedony" means but spurred me to look it up at Merriam-Webster online: "a translucent variety of quartz of various colors and waxy luster."

And one thing I knew before doing the puzzle but was glad to be reminded of is that Aldo Leopold advocated "thinking like a mountain" in his seminal essay of that name in A Sand County Almanac.

 

FYI if you want to build your puzzling skills: Brad and I do the Friday and Saturday* New York Times and Newsday crossword puzzles every weekend and there is no comparison—the Newsday puzzles, especially the "Saturday Stumper," are consistently more difficult, clever, and fun than the puzzles in the NYT, despite the latter's lofty reputation. The NYT does, however, have a good primer on how to solve crossword puzzles.

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*The other days' puzzles are not up to our skill level. 😎

 

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Dank af, episode II

A few years ago, I started making some of my own nut butters, our favorite of which, Pecan-Rosemary Butter, Dylan made and declared to be "dank af." Happily, that means excellent rather than gross like a moldy basement in the middle of a swelteringly hot and humid East Coast summer. I recently came across these two very interesting looking nut butters, so I broke out the food processor and made them both one after the other. They were both a big hit with all three of the testers, one of whom (Mom) has been snarfing them right out of the containers by the spoonful. Brad enjoyed some of the Banana Bread Walnut Butter on his vanilla ice cream while re-watching Stranger Things 1 (it's better the second time!). I like them both on whole-wheat toast, and they'd be good on banana or zucchini bread, but spread on a Bodo's bagel may be the ultimate use.

Banana Bread Walnut Butter

Adapted from Sohla El-Waylly via Food52 (April 5, 2021)

Time: ~20 minutes

 

Freeze-dried bananas (and other fruit) are also good for making a "super-thick and fruity food processor whipped cream" that is good for spreading on real banana bread. You can probably substitute a neutral-flavored oil like sunflower for the butter.

215 grams (~2 cups) raw walnut halves and/or pieces
42 grams (3 tablespoons) unsalted butter (see note)
45 grams (~1 cup) freeze-dried bananas
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
A pinch of freshly ground nutmeg
70 grams (⅓ cup) dark brown sugar
1½ teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon Diamond Crystal kosher salt

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 300 degrees.
    2. Spread the walnuts across a rimmed baking sheet (if you have one, a 13-by-9-inch quarter sheet pan is the perfect size). Roast until the nuts are fragrant and slightly darkened, about 5 to 8 minutes, shaking the pan once after a few minutes. Nuts burn quickly, so watch carefully.
    3. Meanwhile, melt the butter in a small skillet or saucepan over medium heat, then cook, swirling occasionally, until the butter smells nutty and the milk solids are light golden brown, about 3 to 4 minutes total.
    4. Transfer the toasted walnuts to the bowl of a food processor fitted with the metal “s” blade. Add the bananas, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Process until the nuts have released their oil and the nut butter is completely smooth and glossy, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Be patient; you want to go past just smooth all the way to glossy, which will take about 4 minutes or more.
    5. Add the brown butter, sugar, vanilla, and salt to the walnut butter and process until smooth and combined.
    6. Store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks at room temperature or 2 months in the fridge. Stir well before eating. Makes ~2 cups.

Almond, Chocolate, and Coconut Butter

Adapted from Sohla El-Waylly via Food52 (April 5, 2021)

Time: ~28 minutes

This recipe is supposed to taste this like an Almond Joy chocolate bar in spreadable form.

275 grams (~2 cups) whole raw almonds
30 grams (~¾ cup) dried, unsweetened shredded coconut
170 grams (1 cup) milk chocolate chips
25 grams (2 tablespoons) virgin coconut oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon Diamond Crystal kosher salt

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 300 degrees.
    2. Spread the almonds across a rimmed baking sheet (if you have one, a 13-by-9-inch quarter sheet pan is the perfect size). Roast until the nuts are fragrant and slightly darkened, about 15 to 18 minutes. Nuts burn quickly, so watch carefully.
    3. Meanwhile, spread the shredded coconut across a smaller rimmed baking sheet (if you have one, a 9-by-6½-inch eighth sheet pan is the perfect size). Roast until the coconut is light golden brown, about 4 to 6 minutes; watch carefully and don’t overdo it (see the photo above).
    4. Transfer the toasted almonds to the bowl of a food processor fitted with the metal “s” blade. Process until the nuts have released their oil and the nut butter is completely smooth and glossy, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Be patient; you want to go past just smooth all the way to glossy, which will take about 5 minutes or more.
    5. Add the chocolate chips, coconut oil, vanilla, and salt to the almond butter and process until smooth.
    6. Transfer to a 2-cup or larger airtight container and stir in the toasted coconut. Seal and store for up to 2 weeks at room temperature or 2 months in the fridge. Stir well before eating. Makes ~2 cups.

Book sale, day 1

You all know how much Mom and I love going to the book sale. Did you know that the three years we lived in Connecticut while Mom was getting her school psych degree and I was working at the Dark Tower, we used to drive nine hours to C'ville for the book sale and head home with boxes full of books? Thankfully, we only have to drive across town now, at least since they moved the sale from the cramped basement of the Gordon Avenue library branch to the big open space where the Northside branch used to be in Albemarle Square.

 

I've had a harder time finding stuff in recent years, but Friday evening at the book sale (day 1: the presale for JMRL members; I figured out that scam a few years ago) was full of solid finds, with lots of recent nonfiction books that I've had my eye on and picked up for between $1 and $3. Cassie and Grandma Judy were smart enough to give us lists of books, so Mom hooked them up with lots of divvies, too. Here's my haul from day 1 (Mom got about three times as much stuff: books, games, puzzles, movies; she was on a roll):

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Neighborhood leaf peeping

I've been wanting to take pictures of the fall foliage in our neighborhood for years, but somehow I only got around to it last weekend. I thought the time had passed and it was going to be a down year for fall colors, but it turns out everything was just delayed into the middle of November by climate change. Mom and I did a clockwise tour of MCS, snapping pictures as we went. Mom also made herself a little collage of some of the prettiest leaves, which she collected from other people's property, while I walked away and pretended not to know her. Here are the leaves she gathered: 

 

Coffee options, episode II

Here is an easy way to take your morning granola to the next level. Dissolve a little bit of cocoa powder and turbinado sugar in a hot espresso. Let that cool, then mix it into a container of yogurt. Voilà, mocha yogurt, with just a hint of sweetness and caramel notes from the turbinado. Mom and I both thought this qualified as "heavenly" when mixed up with some Granola 2.0. I bet it would also amp up smoothies and Sua Chua Cafe, but I haven't tried it in either of those yet.

Mocha Yogurt

 

Adapted from Maria Speck via her blog (May 26, 2016)

Time: ~10 minutes (using the moka pot method to make the espresso), plus 5 minutes for the coffee to cool down

You can substitute 40 grams (2 tablespoons) of maple syrup for the turbinado sugar.

 

25 grams (2 tablespoons) turbinado sugar (see note)

8 grams (1½ tablespoons) unsweetened cocoa powder

35 grams (2½ tablespoons) freshly brewed hot espresso or strong coffee

16 ounces/454 grams (~2 cups) whole or low-fat Greek or regular yogurt

 

    1. Measure the sugar and cocoa into a small mug or teacup. Pour over the hot espresso. Mix well with a fork or small whisk until the sugar is dissolved and the cocoa is smooth. Cool to room temperature in the fridge for 5 minutes.

    2. Stir the coffee mixture into the yogurt until homogenous. There is just enough room to do this in a 16-ounce container of yogurt if you're careful. Store in the refrigerator. Top with granola for a breakfast treat.

Goodwill hunting

Mom has a new hobby. Whenever she's been out longer than I expected, she invariably ends up having visited one of the Goodwill shops around town. There's not much Mom takes more delight in than getting a compliment on a "new" shirt and responding, "Thanks, it was $3 at Goodwill!"

Fortunately, Mom's bargain shopping finally paid some kitchen dividends. She was looking for a cheap slow cooker and found this classic Rival Crock•Pot:

 

And look at the sticker: only $2.99, just like Mom's shirts she loves to brag about. The only problem is that it's small, only 2½ quarts, which is not enough for the slow cooker recipes I've already posted, which tend to nearly overflow even a pot more than twice that size. But it just happened to be exactly what I was looking for to make Alton Brown's ridiculously easy, and well reviewed, recipe for slow cooker chickpeas. How do you like dem apples?

 

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You can do evil and get off scot-free

If you're wondering what your next (or first) job should be, let me direct your attention to ransomware. In May 2019, the cybercriminals behind the GandCrab ransomware attacks announced they were terminating the program because they had earned so much money (north of $2 billion, with weekly income of $2.5 million) that they could retire on a beach somewhere. Their master plan certainly worked out better for them than it did for Hans Gruber.

 

 

 

But just like Hans Gruber, these criminals had a sense of humor. In their farewell notice, the crooks said:

We ourselves have earned over US $150 million in one year. This money has been successfully cashed out and invested in various legal projects, both online and offline ones. It has been a pleasure to work with you. But, like we said, all things come to an end. We are getting a well-deserved retirement. We are a living proof that you can do evil and get off scot-free. We have proved that one can make a lifetime of money in one year. We have proved that you can become number one by general admission, not in your own conceit

So there it is: You can make a lifetime of money in one year if you choose the right career path. Choose wisely.

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And speaking of evil: I've been running with great pleasure past the empty holes where the statutes of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson used to pollute the views of downtown Charlottesville. Ben Hitchcock, the editor of C-ville Weekly, was apparently having the same thought, because he wrote in the August 4 – 10 issue how glad he was to be able to eat his lunch in what is now Market Street Park (formerly Lee Park) next to the raggedly little garden that has sprouted up where Lee's statute used to be, "rather than in the shadow of a racist monument." In addition to the makeshift garden, Hitchcock also appreciated the sidewalk graffiti reading "Fuck Robert E. Lee and the horse he rode out on." Which proves that graffiti artists can be just as funny as (and have better grammar than) cybercriminals.

 

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Strawberry picking

Mom has been picking strawberries every weekend since they came into season. The strawberry season doesn't last long, so Mom likes to strike while the iron is hot. Mom brings home pounds at a time, which leads to the making of many strawberry recipes, including Strawberry Shortcakes and Mom's jam. This year, spurred on by Cassie's unnatural love for Marie's® Raspberry Vinaigrette, I experimented with strawberry vinaigrette. Mom liked it especially well (as with most things), but I wouldn't make it again because, as Brad said, it's not nearly as good as my usual salad dressing.

 

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Awe

First, a quick note to my (four) loyal subscribers. I recently received a notice from Google that the "Follow by Email" widget over there on the right side of the page will be going bye-bye this summer. So as of July 2021, the email subscription service will be discontinued and you'll no longer receive new episodes by email but will instead have to visit UaKS every so often to keep an eye out for the latest and greatest.

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Here is a photo I took not long ago from our deck facing toward Carter Mountain before heading out on an early morning run:

 

I don't know of much that induces awe in me more than a beautiful sunrise/sunset or the mountains, and here they are in combination.

Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at UC Berkley and co-founder of the Greater Good Science Center, defines "awe" as "the feeling we experience when encountering vast things that we don’t understand." [1] While big nature scenes may be the quintessential time we experience awe, Prof. Keltner says we can also feel awe "in response to others’ kindness and courage, ... music, religious or spiritual practice, the visual and dramatic arts, and epiphany." We actually feel awe physically as "the chills, tears, and the chest-warming sense of being part of something larger than our egos. It leads us to share, collaborate, and wonder."

 

In fact, Prof. Keltner's studies have shown that awe is unique among the positive emotions (which include hope, interest, joy, love, compassion, pride, amusement, and gratitude) in turning us "away from narrow self-focus and toward the interests of our collective group," as Florence Williams reported in her excellent book The Nature Fix (2017). One of his studies showed that of all the positive emotions, awe was the strongest predictor of significantly lower levels of interleukin-6, a communication molecule essential to coordinating and promoting inflammatory processes in our bodies. Why should our physiology work this way? Prof. Keltner thinks it's because awe causes us to reinforce social connections, which are crucial to human flourishing. In other words, "[a]we wants to be shared" with others, as Williams puts it.

 

If you do feel awe from big nature scenes, it doesn't even take a trip to the mountains (though you should take a trip to the mountains, or to the beach or a lake!). You can experience a small dose of awe just from watching an amazing video like this one (watch on a laptop or desktop in full-screen mode, not on your puny little phone):

 

This may be especially awe-some for Mom and me, because it reminds us of our honeymoon. But if you liked this four-minute video, you should try Koyaanisqatsi. [2]

 

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[1] This definition and the rest of the quotes in this paragraph are drawn from Prof. Keltner's article on "How the Science of Awe Shaped Pixar’s Soul," a movie I swear I will not sleep through the next time I watch it. See also Keltner, "Why Do We Feel Awe?"

 

[2] No, I am not fucking kidding you, but thank you for asking.

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Fun science facts, episode II: Nooch me!

I have previously touted the benefits of the RBdigital app as a way to check out magazines from your local library and read them on an iPad or other device. For us locally, at least, that service has been switched over to the Libby app starting this month, so we now have one-stop shopping for digital books and magazines through the JMRL. As far as I can tell, all of the same magazines are still available through Libby, including the New Yorker, Bon Appetit, Cook's Country, and Cook's Illustrated, but I haven't yet found a way to browse through all of the magazines in one place to see what's available as opposed to searching for a specific title. It also seems like I can no longer have new issues of magazines I'm interested in automatically checked out to me, which I could do on RBdigital. Libby does have one nice new feature though, which is a button at the bottom of each page labeled "READ THE ARTICLE." If you can click on that, the whole article gets blown up into nice big type so even an old codger like me can read it comfortably.

 

Cleaning-out-the-fridge recipes, episode II

I don't know that we have a single family member who would heretofore have identified as a pickle fan (except Quick Pickled Onions for Minimalist Salmon Tacos and Black Bean Tacos, among other things). But while I was trying to come up with uses for vegetables that we sometimes buy in batches and then use only one or two of—like carrots and celery for making mirepoix—I came across this recipe for really easy refrigerator pickles. Joshua McFadden explains in his headnote that his former boss David Chang showed him that great pickles shouldn't be too sharp, because "[l]ow acid and always a touch of sweetness will allow you taste the vegetable, not just the brine." So McFadden uses less acidic rice vinegar, with just a tablespoon of white wine vinegar, and a fair bit of sugar in his brine. That made sense to me, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Philistines love company

I expended a lot of effort trying to come up with homemade brownies that Brad liked more than those made from Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Brownie Mix. I eventually succeeded, though Brad may just have been telling me what I wanted to hear. I was amused, then, to come across an article in Bon Appetit titled "The Best Brownies Come From a Box and I Will Not Apologize," in which the author rhapsodizes about brownies made from Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Premium Brownie Mix:

Most brownies are either fudgy or chewy, but somehow this brownie hits both ends of the spectrum. I don’t know how they do it, but there's drama in this box. The contrast between the thin crispy-chewy edge and the dense fudgy interior, studded with bittersweet chips, is so much more extreme than in any homemade brownie. I’m a corner person myself and this mix makes the ultimate corner piece. The edges are a little crunchy and a lot chewy while the middle has just the right amount of soft doughy texture and melty chocolate. The top features an ultra-shiny crackly top that adds a little sugary crispness to every bite. I don’t make Ghirardelli’s box mix brownies because they’re easy (which they totally are). I make them because they’re the best.

With Brad home for a long weekend, we picked up a box of the exalted mix and gave these a try. I still say homemade brownies are superior to brownies that come from a box, but I'll admit these are decent brownies and perfectly serviceable if you need a chocolate fix and don't want to spend more than five minutes throwing something together. I do think, though, that Ghirardelli's Triple Chocolate Brownie Mix—Brad's original favorite—may be marginally better than this Dark Chocolate Brownie Mix.

[10/1/22 update: Ghirardelli is doing something right, because the October/November 2022 issue of Cook's Country says that Ghirardelli's Chocolate Supreme Premium Brownie Mix is the best mix widely available in supermarkets. That mix doesn't have chocolate chips in it though, so it's hard to imagine Brad would prefer those over the Double, Triple, or Dark Chocolate mixes.]

 

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Sparking joy, legal style

Every once in a while, when reading a boring legal decision, you come across a judge (or his or her clerk) who decides to spice things up a bit. In fact, I have a colleague who published a book called Judges Say the Darndest Things in which he collected some of the more colorful excerpts from legal opinions. I recently came across a particularly boring decision in a case brought by a company's shareholders against the company's directors claiming that they intentionally devalued the company's stock, thereby injuring both the company and its shareholders, including the plaintiffs who filed the action. That's about as dry as it gets. But the judge was frustrated by the excessive number of pleadings and motions that had been filed in the case, so she decided to take a cue from Marie Kondo and spark some joy (or what passes for the legal equivalent of joy, anyway) by doing some decluttering:

     In 2019, Netflix released a television series featuring Marie Kondo, a Japanese home organization professional and bestselling author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. In the series based on her bestseller, Kondo shows her acclaimed organizational method in action and provides viewers with tips on how to implement it in their homes and lives. And the series spawned a new viral verb phrase: “spark joy.” As the cornerstone of Kondo's method, the phrase helps viewers and readers decide whether to keep an object in their lives. If, when a person picks up the object, it does not “spark joy” in the person, the person should discard the object.

     The current organization of this case—with its two operative complaints, two motions to dismiss, a motion to abstain, a motion to strike, and a motion to stay discovery—does not “spark joy” or clarity of legal issues. As such—and more precisely for the legal reasons discussed below—the court will discard these motions and pleadings in their current state in an attempt to declutter this case and to bring clarity and organization as the case moves forward.

Trondheim Capital Partners, LP v. Life Ins. Co. of Alabama, No. 4:19-CV-1413-KOB, 2020 WL 7223375, at *1 (N.D. Ala. Dec. 8, 2020) (footnotes omitted). I don't think it's a particularly good fit with what Marie Kondo is about, and reading the rest of the opinion is certainly not an exercise in joy sparkage, but "E" for effort, anyway.

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