We went looking for oil and found an O'Reilly Auto Parts within a mile. We didn't know if it was open, because there were no cars in the parking lot. We went in anyway and, sure enough, there were zero customers but five employees standing around shooting the shit. I told the guy who came over that we needed some 0W-20 synthetic oil, but I must have looked so bougie that he wanted to double-check for himself. He pulled the dipstick, turned to Brad, and said "Watch and learn," like he was operating the control panel of a particle accelerator instead of reading a fucking dipstick. He then told us a rambling story about how when he was learning to repair cars, the first thing they were taught to do was get down certain information, including the VIN and license plate number. This made such an impression on him that he repeated the story twice to us; neither time did Brad or I have any idea what any of this had to do with our oil situation.
We finally got him back on point and inside to buy some oil. How much did we need? "Start with 5 quarts." Really, how much does my car hold? "About 5 quarts." Like we would have made it to his store if my car didn't have any oil left in it. What brand of oil should we get? "Well, this is what I use in my vintage Camaro," pointing to the most expensive stuff with the toe of his boot. That's nice, but how about for my Subaru sedan? Finally, another bored employee came over and, with the toe of his boot (must be part of O'Reilly corporate training), pointed out Mobil oil. We bought the oil and headed back out to the car to put some in, without the assistance of an O'Reilly employee or, at least, a funnel to make sure most of the oil went in the filler neck rather than adding to what was already on the engine. I lamented to Brad that they do this for you at Advance Auto Parts, one of which we passed within half a mile after leaving O'Reilly. We made it home an hour later than expected, but all's well that ends well.
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We've been very happy with our previous granola up to now, but I've been eyeing this one for years, ever since Food52 published it as a "genius recipe" in 2012. Samin Nosrat, among others, quickly followed suit, calling it the "best. granola. ever." And she doesn't even like granola. So I finally tried the internet's favorite granola, and it's all that—super crispy with a great balance between sweet and salty.
There are several things to note about this granola though. First, if you want a simpler fix-it-and-forget-it granola, stick with the No-Stir Chocolate Granola. I tried to make this using the no-stir method and it was a big fail. The stirring isn't often or difficult, but you have to do it to get the right texture and end result. Second, even if you oil or spray the baking sheet, this stuff will still stick to the pan like cement, so you have to line the pan with parchment paper. I bought some pre-cut 12-by-16-inch parchment paper liners, which fit perfectly into an 18-by-13-inch baking sheet and are a real convenience. Third, this is premium granola, using some expensive ingredients like maple syrup, extra-virgin olive oil, pecans, pumpkin seeds, and, if you add them, dried cherries. I did some calculations and it works out to about $11 per batch, if you scout around for the best deals on pecans and some of the other ingredients. But for $11, you get 40 ounces (2½ pounds) of granola. If you order the Farmhand's Choice Granola from Early Bird Foods, which this granola is based on, it'll cost you $28 (plus shipping) for three 12-ounce bags. That works out to approximately $31 for 40 ounces of granola, without cherries, or about three times the price of making it yourself. So yeah, it's a little pricey, but very tasty and a good deal by comparison.
Granola 2.0
(Pecan & Pepita)
Adapted from Early Bird Foods' Farmhand’s Choice Granola via Food 52 and Salt Fat Acid Heat (2017) by Samin Nosrat
Time: 1:02
If you omit the coconut, use an additional 50 grams (½ cup) of rolled oats. As you can see from the photos above, I occasionally change the recipe up a little by swapping out most of the pecans for a mixture of nuts, like Trader Joe's Fancy Raw Mixed Nuts (cashews, almonds, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts, pecans).
Wet ingredients
200 grams (~⅔ cup) maple syrup
100 grams (~½ cup) extra-virgin olive oil
25 grams (2 tablespoons) brown sugar
Dry ingredients
300 grams (3 cups) old-fashioned rolled oats
150 grams (1½ cups) raw pecan halves, left whole or coarsely chopped or broken by hand (see note)
120 grams (1 cup) raw hulled sunflower seeds
120 grams (1 cup) raw hulled pumpkin seeds (pepitas)
50 grams (~1 cup) unsweetened coconut chips (see note)
1 teaspoon Diamond Crystal kosher salt or Maldon sea salt
Optional add-ins
132–165 grams (1 to 1¼ cups) dried tart cherries, dried cranberries, or raisins, or a combination
50–75 grams bittersweet chocolate, chopped coarse (such as 4–6 squares of Trader Joe’s 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate)
1. Place a rack in the center of the oven and heat to 300 degrees. Line an 18-by-13-inch baking sheet with parchment paper. (You may want to spray the pan lightly with nonstick cooking spray in a couple of places first to help the parchment paper stay in place when you’re stirring the granola.)
2. In a large bowl, whisk the wet ingredients together until thick and homogeneous. Add the dry ingredients (not the optional add-ins). Stir with a silicone spatula until well combined. Spread the mixture evenly across the baking sheet. Bake, stirring every 10 to 15 minutes, until the granola is toasted golden brown, about 45 minutes.
3. Remove from the oven, stir again, then cool completely (still in the baking sheet) on a wire rack. When cool, transfer to an airtight container or plastic bag and mix in the dried fruit and/or chocolate, if using. Store for up to a month. Makes about 40 ounces/2½ pounds of granola.
Granola 2.1
(Mango & Brazil Nut)
Adapted from Early Bird Foods' Aloha Granola
Everything is the same as above except as follows:
(1) Omit the pumpkin seeds; instead, use 375 grams rolled oats, 150 grams sunflower seeds, and 60 grams coconut chips;
(2) Instead of the pecan halves, use 150 grams Brazil nuts coarsely chopped into 3 or 4 pieces each (or whole macadamia nuts if you really want to splurge);
(3) After the granola has cooled, add in 150 grams dried mango (I like Trader Joe's Chokanan Variety, which has no added sugar) cut into ~½-inch pieces; don't add in any other dried fruit or chocolate.
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