A thousand butterflies

I just finished The Book of (More) Delights (2023), Ross Gay's endlessly entertaining second book of "essayettes," each documenting his delight of record every day for a year. Two of you at least should be able to appreciate this excerpt from his entry for July 7 about the courtesy of truckers:

Very occasionally, at night, when I'm tired but with miles to go before I sleep, I'll let myself slip into the fantasy that a truck behind my is a demon truck, like that Stephen King movie, and let it be said that Stephen King kinda ruined a lot of shit. Tell me you wouldn't be afraid to stay the winter for free in a big beautiful empty ski lodge with lots of food and these days probably Wi-Fi and a pool. Tell me you're not a little bit afraid of homecoming or prom or whatever. Tell me you're not a little bit afraid of bid cuddly slobbery dogs, or clowns, or '57 Chevys, or cornfields, or your pets, or your kids. See what I'm saying?

The Gray Lady goes rogue

Everyone knows how Brad and I love to do the Thursday through Saturday crosswords (the rest are too easy) from both the New York Times and Newsday, with Newsday's Saturday Stumper taking the prize as the best and most diabolical of them all. Dylan often complains about all of the "old people" clues and answers in crosswords. But more and more the New York Times is trying to prove a degree of coolness through some of the clues and answers in its crosswords. Last Friday's puzzle was about as far out on a limb as I've seen the Gray Lady, so nicknamed in part for its sober style, go:

 

Maybe the Times should change its famous slogan to "all the nudes that's fit to print." (And no, we did not need The Closer's help to finish this puzzle.)

 

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Outsourcing my blog, episode V: Moriah's back

When Dylan and I were staying in Charlottesville this spring, I made this every night for Jeopardy!. It comes together quick, and it’s just the right amount for one or two people to have a tasty few bites! 

Guest post #3: Susan's turn

[Moriah’s parents, Susan and Ezra, visited over the Memorial Day weekend to be here with Moriah for her birthday. Susan brought two yummy treats to share. The first photo below shows Moriah lovingly admiring a piece of the chocolate chip torte after we all sang “Happy Birthday” to her and Jancalo.]

This Hungarian chocolate chip torte is quick and easy to make, and one of our family’s favorite recipes. Moriah’s Grandma Eileen was a very good cook and she loved being with her family. She regretted being an only child and always wanted a big family, so she was proud to have four children and eight grandchildren. She used to make big family dinners for every Jewish holiday. She went to college in her 40's after raising her children and got her Master’s in social work. She always said that she wanted her family to be proud of her and we were!

She would have loved to meet Dylan and your whole family, and I'm glad you got to taste her torte in Charlottesville when we came to visit.

 

VEGAN & GLUTEN-FREE snack bites

Every week I read Meera Sodha's column in the Guardian online. It's called "The New Vegan." You'd think that would be enough to tip readers off that the recipes are all vegan. But every week, the column is titled "Meera Sodha's vegan recipe for ..." Why? Clickbait. If you want more clicks, and therefore more ad revenue, you stick "vegan" and/or "gluten-free" at the top of your entry and your number of hits skyrockets. So it's time for me to get with the program (not that I'm making any money off this blog, despite my apparently impressive following in Hong Kong).

 

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20 percent bullshit allowance

I have a whole lineup of podcasts I listen to when I'm driving around or working out. Last week on the Next Big Idea podcast episode with Morgan Housel, author of The Psychology of Money (2020), I heard an idea I think is really useful: the "20 percent bullshit allowance." Housel explained it like this:

Like anything else in life, anything that is rewarding comes with a cost attached to it. And the cost for a lot of things in life is the willingness to put up with and endure uncertainty, hassle, nonsense, pain, bullshit, all of it. I think in anyone's life, you should give yourself a 20 percent bullshit allowance, that 20 percent of the time and 20 percent of the days, 20 percent of the things that happen are gonna be things where you're like, alright, I guess I gotta put up with this. My flight is delayed, my toilet is leaking, my car broke down, I'm sick, my kids are sick. Whatever it is, 20 percent of your life is going to be some form of b.s. And if you are not willing to put up with that, you are blown apart by the tiniest petty annoyance in your life.

This strikes me as a corollary of the idea that you'll have a happier life if you just lower your expectations. The best-known formulation of that idea is this equation (though there are variations*):

Happiness = Reality − Expectations

There's an article in Psychology Today describing the "pitfalls" of maintaining low expectations to boost happiness levels, but it can definitely have some benefits for those of us who let our enjoyment of some things (like new restaurants) suffer because our expectations going in are way too high. And it’s a great reminder that you can have an awesome vacation despite the inevitable travel hassles.

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*I've also seen the equation expressed as "Happiness = Reality/Expectations,”which really bumps up the effect of lowering expectations. In the much less pithy version in Mo Gawdat's book Solve for Happy (2017), he gives the equation as "Happiness ≥ your perception of the events of your life − your expectation of how life should behave."

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The good life, part II: Reach out

In "The good life, part I," I talked about The Good Life, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz's 2023 book summarizing the chief lesson of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which started in 1939. The lesson is that social relationships of all kinds are the key to human health and flourishing. As Peggy Liu et al. put it in their 2022 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on "The Surprise of Reaching Out," "[m]aintaining connections in one's social circle is essential to well being." Even "brief interactions with a wide range of relationship partners are associated with positive psychological outcomes, including increased social and emotional well-being, protection from stressful events and anxiety, personal growth, and increased cognitive functioning." But even though we probably all know that intuitively, we often find ourselves out of touch with family and friends.

 

Professor Liu and her colleagues set out to determine why people don't "reach out" more often. They defined "reaching out" very broadly to encompass just a "minimum criterion consisting of a gesture to check-in with someone to show that one is thinking about them—for instance, by sending a short message (e.g., to say hi, to say 'I'm thinking of you,' to say 'I hope you are well') or a small gift." The message could be delivered by email, text, or phone. Through a series of experiments, they documented a significant underestimation by the "initiators" of such reach outs as to how much the "responders" appreciate their efforts. The authors of the study also found evidence to support a simple explanation for the difference in how initiators and responders perceive the reach out: since the initiators know they are reaching out, they don't experience any surprise; by contrast, the responders have no idea the reach out is coming so they experience a pleasurable jolt of surprise.

 

This may seem like common sense, like a fair bit of social psychology research, but it's still a good reminder. If you're thinking about reaching out to someone you haven't seen or spoken to in a while, do it. It'll be appreciated more than you think and create a pleasant social interaction for both of you. Even a quick text message will do.

 

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The first ever UaKS movie review

Barbie • PG-13 • 1:54

 

The first half was sufficiently tedious that I fell asleep and caught some much needed 💤, so that was a net positive.

 

In the second half of the movie, when most of the audience chuckled during one scene, a little girl seated two rows down exclaimed "What's so funny?! It's not funny!" Out of the mouths of babes …

 

I especially enjoyed when America Ferrera's character shouted what was literally the entire point of the movie at me, just in case I otherwise would have been too thick to understand it for myself. But I suppose subtlety is a luxury you can't afford when you're taking on the Patriarchy.

In the end, Barbie was doomed to come off second-best in a genre that was both defined and finished by Toy Story. Of course, it's entirely possible I think that just because Barbie had only a cameo role in the Toy Story sequels, while the stars were always two white males—and a cowboy and a spaceman to boot: I mean, how much more embedded in the Patriarchy can you get than Woody and Buzz?

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Two old geezers talking about skid marks

Last night we were talking to Dylan through FaceTime while he made some Vegetable Broth Base, which Dylan insisted a while back that I bold on the "Recipes" page and that he says is their "most-used recipe," probably "3x a week," so you never know what's going to catch on with someone. While we were chatting, Dylan showed us the latest feature of their revamped kitchen—a pegboard modeled on the one pictured above in the UaKS header 🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝🠝. I love that Moriah spray-painted it a bright color to bring a pop of JOY into their kitchen.

 

Among the other topics of conversation was that it's a good thing Brad is still home so it's not just "two old geezers talking about skid marks" in their underwear. So any pride I felt at having Dylan and Moriah make use of the "two best features" of Dylan's formative kitchen—the pegboard and the spice drawer—was tempered by a solid dose of reality. Thanks for keeping it real, Dylan!

 

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Gathering the shards

Of the happiness-enhancing activities I've tried over the years, running every day has provided the biggest bang for my buck. But running requires staying healthy, which can be a challenge even when I'm just sitting on my ass at work. Other than running, the practice I've stayed with the longest is Three Good Things, which is one way of just noticing delights. The way I've done this practice the last few years is to sit down every night right before going to bed and write down in a notebook three to five good things that happened to me that day. These don't have to be big things, even small delights like seeing a hummingbird feeding at the plants outside counts. The benefit of doing this practice at night is I have to look back through my day to figure out what the little (or big) delights were. After a while, I started looking for delights throughout my day, which has proven crucial for me in turning a generally negative outlook on life into a generally positive one.

I recently read Bittersweet (2021) by Susan Cain, who described a wonderful metaphor for this practice from the Kabbalah,

the mystical version of Judaism which teaches that all of creation was once a vessel filled with holy light. But it shattered, and now the shards of divinity are scattered everywhere, amidst the pain and ugliness. ... Sometimes it’s too dark to see them, sometimes we’re too distracted by pain or conflict. But our task is simple—to bend down, dig them out, pick them up. And in so doing, to perceive that light can emerge from darkness, death gives way to rebirth, the soul descends to this riven world for the sake of learning how to ascend. And to realize that we all notice different shards; I might see a lump of coal, but you spot the gold glimmering beneath.

I love this image so much. Now, instead of just looking for delights everywhere, I'm also gathering the shards of holiness that are scattered all around us. When I see a shard and pick it up, it's a little moment of transcendence.

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The cookie exchange, episode II

I was supposed to get to these cookies shortly after publishing episode I on last year's cookie exchange with Mom and her female work buddies but c'est la vie. Among the favorites Mom always brings home from the cookie exchange are the ROLO® Pretzel Delights I wrote about in December and these faux "Honey Bunches," which are apparently copycats of the ones that C'ville Coffee has been selling for years. I can neither confirm nor deny how close these are to the originals since I've never had them (or anything else, sorry) from C'ville Coffee, but Mom says those are dang good. Others apparently think so, too, because there are at least two copycat recipes floating around the internet. I went with the first one, which matched the ingredients in the instructions provided by Mom's friend who makes these every year for the cookie exchange. I made only one change in decreasing the brown sugar by 25%, since I've always found these a touch too sweet for me (though they're still plenty sweet). Whether or not they approximate what’s available from C’ville Coffee, they are tasty little treats.

 

Reevaluating

I recently discovered that Christina Tosi is a JMU grad. She actually spent a year at UVA (studying electrical engineering!) before transferring to JMU and enrolling in the Semester in Florence program (!!) before graduating in 2002 with a degree in applied mathematics (!!!) and Italian (!!!!). Tosi reevaluated after JMU and decided that she wanted to be a pastry chef, after asking herself "What is it that you can do every single day for the rest of your life?" and answering "Make cookies." (And cakes, including the incredible funfetti cake that I simplify and make for Mom's birthday.)

The cookie exchange

Mom has been attending the fabled cookie exchange with her female work buddies every year for many years. One year, Mom talked me into attending, only to have me discover, too late, that men aren't really invited.

 

For some odd reason, one of our family's favorites among the cookies Mom brings home every year are these pretzel delights. If you buy a package of ROLO® candies, you'll see the "recipe" printed right there on the back of the bag. At our taste testing, we were split between topping the softened candy with another pretzel or a pecan half, the latter being as stated and pictured on the bag. Brad helpfully suggested that gently toasting the pecans first would probably give these a hint more sophistication, and I concur.

 

Use a microwave, episode II

When Brad got home for his week off for Thanksgiving, he took Carter's famous "Don't have to" to the next level. Not long after he arrived, Mom said we were going to need some help with three visitors here and she'd start assigning chores. Brad immediately put the kibosh on that idea, loudly announcing that "I ain't doin' squat!" Mom remembered that we never did squat either when we visited Grandma Pina and Grandpa Guy and how much we appreciated the break. Of course, neither of us dared to proclaim "We ain't doing squat!" when we got there, but I guess we didn't have to, because Grandma Pina wasn't about to let us lift a finger anyway. So now Mom knows just to keep her list of chores to herself when you visit. You can thank your little brother for that one.

 

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The right Mou for the job

Ever since our beloved AS Roma shocked the soccer world by hiring José Mourinho—the self-anointed "Special One"—to be their next coach, Brad, Dylan, and I have agonized over the choice. On the one hand, he's one of the most successful football managers ever, having won multiple trophies, including the Champions League with two different teams, one of them the treble-winning Inter Milan during his first stint in Italy. On the other hand, he's achieved that success largely by developing a bunker mentality amongst his players and playing a defensive brand of football ("parking the bus") that is not the least bit pleasing to the eye. But here, based on his response to the question of what is his favorite music, we have definitive proof that Roma has found the right man for the job:

 

 

 

Daje, José, you're now the Boss, too!

 

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Request hour, episode VI

Dylan came to UaKS recently looking for the recipe for these Peanut Butter Blossoms and was surprised not to find it, since it's a "family favorite" that Mom has been making for years (another speciality!). That may be true, but it's not one of this blogger's favorites, what with the peanut butter. But Dylan convinced me that I have to "cater to my audience," such as you are. So here's the recipe. Enjoy, while I make myself some Katherine Redford's.

 

Dylan went off script and used half dark chocolate squares to good effect

 Peanut Butter Blossoms

Adapted from Hershey’s and The King Arthur Flour Cookie Companion (2004)

Time:

48 Hershey’s chocolate kisses (200 grams)
113 grams (4 ounces/1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces and softened
200 grams (¾ cup) creamy peanut butter
67 grams (⅓ cup) granulated white sugar, plus more for rolling dough
67 grams (⅓ cup) packed light brown sugar
1 large egg (~57 grams still in the shell)
30 grams (2 tablespoons) milk
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon (5 grams) vanilla extract
180 grams (1½ cups) all-purpose flour

    1. Place racks in the center of the oven; heat to 375 degrees. Line two 13-by-18-inch half-sheet baking pans with parchment paper (if you don't have parchment, it’s not necessary to grease the baking sheets). Unwrap the chocolate kisses.
    2. In a large bowl or using a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter and peanut butter together until well blended.
    3. Add the sugars and beat on medium speed until light and fluffy.
    4. Add the egg, milk, baking soda, salt, and vanilla, and beat well.
    5. On the lowest speed, gradually stir in the flour.
    6. Shape the dough into 1-inch balls. Place about ⅓ cup granulated white sugar on a dinner plate. Roll the dough balls in the sugar. Place the balls on the baking sheets about 1½ inches apart.
    7. Bake until lightly browned and the cookies look set in the center, about 10 minutes. Remove the pans from the oven. Immediately place a chocolate kiss in the center of each cookie, gently pressing it in; the cookie will crack around the edges.
    8. Transfer the cookies to wire racks to cool completely. Store at room temperature, tightly covered, for up to a week. Makes 4 dozen cookies.

 

Belated 300th episode extravaganza, with UaKS t-shirts, and a contest!

I celebrated each of my 100th and 200th episodes of UaKS with a special episode and a contest. But I couldn't get my shit together in time to do anything extravagant for my 300th episode. In the meantime, though, Cassie designed these incredible UaKS t-shirts and had them printed up (in my favorite color, royal blue, which is worn by the Azzurri, the Italian national soccer team) and distributed to all of my devoted readers! 😂

I can't let all that good work go to waste without a celebration, so here is the contest in honor of my 3009th episode: Despite the immeasurable culinary, educational, scatological, and general entertainment value of UaKS, only 8 episodes have thus far been viewed 100 times or more. Name as many of those episodes as you can. The winner, who must be related to me by blood, marriage, or me liking the cut of their jib, is the person who identifies the most episodes. The first tiebreaker is getting the all-time champion correct; the second tiebreaker is getting the most answers in the correct order, so line 'em up carefully. Because there was so much whining over East versus West Coast bias in connection with the last contest, this one will remain open for one week from the moment this episode is published. List your responses in the comments section, or you can text or email them to me if you don't want to give any of your fellow contestants any hints. Good luck y'all.

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The results are in

Since the quarantine started, Alton Brown has been entertaining his fans with two kinds of YouTube videos: longer Quarantine Quitchen episodes where AB and his wife Elizabeth (and sometimes their rescue dog Scabigail) cook a meal together; and shorter Pantry Raid episodes where AB whips something up real quick using whatever is around the kitchen. AB made his chewy peanut butter cookies in one of the first pantry raids. I usually run screaming from anything involving peanut butter, but Brad and I decided to try these after I found a big container of Skippy® creamy peanut butter (FUEL the FUN!®) hiding in the back of a cupboard from last Christmas when Mom made her usual peanut butter blossom cookies.

Early training

I was looking through my big binder of recipes I've collected down through the years and found a 15-year-old clipping from the now-defunct Charlottesville weekly newspaper The Hook. The story I saved—"Dinner duos: Families cook up a storm"—is from the March 10, 2005 issue and covers a parent/child cooking class at HotCakes that Cassie and I attended when she was six years old. (Check out the pix of adorable little Cassie and her young-ish looking dad in the linked article and below.)

As the news item recounts, we prepared a whole meal, including "cornmeal-crusted chicken fingers, potatoes with fresh thyme and olive oil, baby lettuce salad with shredded apples, carrots, and orange vinaigrette, and strawberry shortcake" for dessert. What the story doesn't say is that, in the process of scaling up her biscuit recipe to make shortcakes for a crowd of people, the store owner who hosted the class miscalculated the amount of leavening on the short side, by a factor of three. I realized her mistake when she said it, but I was too embarrassed to correct her in front of everyone. Not surprisingly, when the biscuits came out of her oven, they were like squat little hockey pucks with no rise or layers to them at all. Despite that, Cassie still loves her some strawberry shortcakes—when they're made with properly baked biscuits anyway.

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Wahoowa, episode III: Still basking in the glory

Mom scored a pair of free tickets and a parking pass from the gym teacher at one of her schools to the recent UVA men's basketball game against Florida State.* Florida State came in ranked #5 in the country (probably overrated, though not nearly as much as when we were ranked #5 early in the season), so it was a big game for our young team to try and prove that we deserve a spot in the NCAA tournament in this year.

On our way into JPJ, the first thing we saw—and no one can miss it—is the huge Final Four placard from Minneapolis, where UVA won its first National Championship last April, with the National Championship trophy proudly displayed in front of it.

Our team has come down quite a ways from last year's ultimate high, but that was to be expected after we lost our three best players—all underclassmen—to the NBA draft. The game itself was thrilling, with a last-minute win against a good team, which was a big turnaround from the four recent ACC games we lost, all after holding a slim lead in the last three minutes. Most of our team still can't shoot it into the ocean from three-point range, but at least we have a shot at making it back to the NCAA tourney. We'll probably suffer a swift and ignominious defeat once we get there, but, hey, we'll always have the memories of 2018-19, right?

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*To her credit, Cassie expressed much excitement for Mom on her moment of glory. To her discredit, Cass didn't have the faintest idea who we were playing that evening.

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