The dud parent: Dank af

When I asked Dylan about the Pecan-Rosemary Butter, before I had posted the recipe, he was excited to try it because they've got tons of rosemary at his house and Moriah "looooves" nut butters. Dylan made it immediately after I put the recipe up and reported back in haec verba: "That nut better is dank af, to teach you some new words. And so easy. We’re big fans. Need some other nut butter-herb recipes now."

Wow, the thoughts ping-ponging through my parental brain reading that were kinda breathtaking. First off, Dylan is both expressing appreciation for me having introduced him to such a fantastic recipe (that's awesome!), while asking me to do more work in expanding the taste palette to other nut butters (that's good, too, I like when you ask me food questions!), all while insulting my (supposed) lack of coolness based on ageism alone (ouch, that's bad!). The only thing missing after "to teach you some new words" is "Boomer."

Christmas Eve 1997, when I was still (relatively) young and cool
and Dylan wasn’t sassing me

To make it worse, I already know what "dank" and "af" mean, despite my advanced age. In fact, millennials' use of "dank" as a generic term meaning anything excellent is pretty wrongheaded. Going back many, many moons to my youth, "dank" was a word used to describe good marijuana by stoners, or as we called them in my high school, "creakers," presumably because they all wore stinky leather jackets that creaked whenever they moved.* That makes a little sense, given the standard definition of "dank" as unpleasantly moist or humid, like a dank cellar, which kinda describes both the qualities of good dope (so I hear, anyway) and the sort of place where you might smoke it, pre-legalization. But "dank" to describe anything cool? That makes no sense, but whatev, am I right, bro? 

---------
*Though I went to a quintessentially suburban high school, we had creakers aplenty, the more daring of whom were known to light up and smoke a doobie right there in the middle of gym class, if the phys ed teacher was off with another group. One of my oddest high school memories is of the morning one especially committed creaker came to shop class, which began at 8:00 a.m., absolutely reeking of weed and so fried that the teacher, in addition to having some fun at his expense, refused to let him anywhere near the power tools, to the great relief of the rest of us.

*********

Despite the condescension, I sent Dylan some nut butter variations, including this one. The sumac and chile were pretty understated in the one I made, because I used Aleppo pepper for my chile, rather than something spicier, and didn't use more cayenne to compensate. You can use whatever, and however much, chile pepper you like to suit your own taste.

Almond Butter with Sumac and Chile

Adapted from Whole Food Cooking Every Day (2019) by Amy Chaplin

Time: ~28 minutes

I used Syrian Aleppo chile pepper when making this nut butter, thinking it would go well with the Middle Eastern sumac. But the original recipe calls for "red chili pepper flakes," which may refer to crushed red pepper flakes, which is often sold as a blend of three or four chile peppers frequently using the significantly hotter cayenne pepper (30,000–50,000 Scoville heat units for cayenne versus 10,000 SHU for Aleppo) as a base. Consequently, my almond butter was only mildly spicy. The spiciness also mellows out as the nut butter sits, so I didn't add enough cayenne to compensate. Keep that in mind when deciding what kind of chile flakes, and how much chile and cayenne, to use when making this recipe to suit your own taste.

260 grams (2 cups) raw almonds
4 teaspoons (8 grams) sumac
1 teaspoon chile flakes (see note)
pinch of cayenne pepper, more to taste
½ teaspoon Diamond Crystal kosher salt, more or less to taste

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 300 degrees.
    2. Line an 18-by-13-inch baking sheet with parchment paper. Spread the almonds across the pan. Roast until the nuts are fragrant and slightly darkened, about 16 to 18 minutes. Let the nuts cool on the sheet pan set on a wire rack for a few minutes.
    3. Use the parchment paper as a funnel to transfer the warm nuts to the bowl of a food processor fitted with the metal “s” blade. (The parchment paper can be reused to roast multiple batches of nuts or to make your favorite cookies.) Process until the nuts have released their oil and the butter is completely smooth and glossy, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Be patient; you want to go past just smooth all the way to glossy, which will take 5 minutes or more. Add the sumac, chile flakes, cayenne, and salt, and process until well blended, about 10 seconds. Taste and adjust for salt and cayenne.   
    4. Store in a sealed glass jar for up to 1 month at room temperature or longer in the fridge. (The butter may separate if you store it at room temperature; just give it a stir before using. The fridge is a better option if your house is warm.) Makes about ¾ cup, enough for 12 one-tablespoon servings.