When Paul Met Karen

I recently started listening to the Love Factually podcast, which is one of the most "Paul" podcasts ever. The idea is that two relationship scientists — Paul Eastwick, who is a professor at the University of California, Davis, and Eli Finkel, who is at Northwestern — talk about famous rom-coms and tell you what they get right and wrong about how relationships actually work. I love that their substack [1] cites and links to all of the academic papers Eastwick and Finkel discuss in each episode, so I can read the science for myself if I so choose.

 

They discussed "When Harry Met Sally" in Episode 1, because where else would you start if you're doing a podcast about rom-coms? One of the things that movie gets right is that the lead characters start out as friends first (well, frenemies first really). Relationship scientists have mostly overlooked "The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance," say the authors of a paper with that name,[2] because friends-first initiation is much harder to study than dating initiation of a romantic relationship. [3]

The winter solstice

Today is the winter solstice. I bet you didn't know it's one of my favorite days of the year. Why would anyone like the day that's kicking off three months of winter? Simple. I'm almost exclusively an early-morning runner, and the winter solstice is the shortest day of the year. So after today I can look forward to it getting light out just a wee bit earlier every morning until the summer solstice. It makes for seeing some good sunrises while running too.

Wahoowa, episode III: The worm has turned

One of the great pleasures of the last decade or so of my relationship with Mom has been her discovery of UVA men's basketball, the only sport she has ever willingly sat down and watched with me, without having to be coaxed into it with a back rub. Mom's fandom reached its acme on April 8, 2019, when UVA beat Texas Tech in overtime to win its first and only national championship. Since then, well, we haven't won a single NCAA tournament game, culminating in our First Four pantsing this week by a mediocre Colorado State team, in a game in which they shot 55% and we shot 25%, including missing 19 consecutive shots at one point. In the wake of that fiasco, ESPN loudmouth Stephen A. Smith (you can insert what you're thinking of for the "A") called for Coach Tony Bennett to be fired "strictly because of being boring." Once again, I say I missed my calling in life if you can get paid the big bucks for quality takes like that.

 

Even before that game, UVA pissed down their leg in blowing a six-point lead in the final minute of regulation in their semifinal game in the ACC tournament by, among other things, going 1 for 5 from the free-throw line (also known as the "charity stripe," though not so much when this year's UVA team was shooting foul shots), and fouling former UVA player Casey Morsell while he was shooting a three-pointer. For context, Morsell shot 123 three-pointers while he was here and made 25 of them, which is 20%. Morsell, of course, drained all three free throws, while UVA was clanking theirs at the other end of the floor.

 

“The best store-bought dessert out there”

Or so Brad announced after dinner last night (and I imagine Cassie might agree?). We specifically asked Brad about his beloved Ghirardelli mix brownies, and he confirmed that they have been bested by these Trader Joe's® Sublime Ice Cream Sandwiches. If ice cream sandwiches are your thing, I think these are definitely better than the traditional ones made with chocolate wafers that stick to your fingers.

 

We haven't done a side-by-side taste test with The Original ChipwichⓇ, but bon appétit did, and they actually had Trader Joe's running behind both The Original ChipwichⓇ, which came in second, and their winner, the 7-Select Ice Cream Sandwich Cookie from 7-Eleven of all places. ("Just moments after tasters took their first bites of 7/11’s ice cream sandwich, they began blurting out praise—speaking over each other to express surprise and delight.") So remember that the next time you're driving by a 7-Eleven on a hot day and thinking about getting a SlurpeeⓇ. In the meantime, I can't beat the convenience of seeing these in the freezer aisle of my local Trader Joe's every Saturday.

 

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Fourth of July and the figs are already here

 

We don't usually have figs on our one producing tree until August, but the tree is already full of figs this year, and it's only the Fourth of July. Two were already ripe (and delicious!) and there's another almost ready in the lower right-hand corner of the photo. But if you look carefully, you can see a lot of figs all over the tree. It should be another banner fig year if everything keeps going according to plan.

Fast food, episode XIII

My most revisited UaKS story arc over the years has consisted of the "fast food" episodes, which have met with varying degrees of success and interest. The most viewed "fast food" recipes have been for Black Bean Tacos, followed closely by the Quick Tomato Sauce I use to make Baked Ziti and Quick Vodka Pasta, among other things. Some of the other favorites, personal or otherwise, have been Overnight Muesli (manna from heaven), Quick Vegetarian Bean Chili, and Smoky Red Salsa. The latest entry was Quickest Scrambled Eggs, which has hardly been viewed at all but only because Brad and I both quickly memorized how to scramble eggs this way, which we now do 7 or 8 times a week between us, making this easily the most used fast food recipe ever.

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Road trip

After we had Cassie's car repaired in C'ville, we had to get it back to her, so we took a drive to meet in Old Town Warrenton to swap vehicles. At my urging, we met at the famed Red Truck Bakery, beloved of President Obama, among others. As soon as we walked in and looked at the prices, Brad said, not for the first time, that "we have to open our own bakery." For example, it was about $33 for an apple pie and approaching $40 for a cake. You can find the Red Truck Bakery's first cookbook on Libby if you want to see what a $40 cake tastes like.

 

Photo by louis magnotti on Unsplash

That book also includes their recipe for what they bill as "the best granola in North America," after Andrew Zimmern apparently called it that on the Travel Channel. You can order two 20-ounce bags of the stuff online for $37 (before shipping). That's convenient for comparison purposes, because our recipe for Granola 2.0, which is based on Early Bird Food's Farmhand's Choice Granola ($28 for three 12-ounce bags, or $31 for 40 ounces, before shipping), also makes just about 40 ounces of granola. When I did the calculations before, it cost about $11 to make a 40-ounce batch of granola at home, or less than a third of what it costs to buy it from Red Truck Bakery, so that does seem like a pretty good profit margin.

 

Plus, when you make granola at home, you can control the sweetness. The actual recipe for Farmhand's Choice Granola uses ¾ cup of maple syrup and ½ cup of light brown sugar, while I've dropped that to ⅔ cup of maple syrup and just 2 tablespoons of brown sugar and still find the granola to be plenty sweet. By comparison, the Red Truck Bakery granola uses ¾ cup of maple syrup and ¼ cup of light brown sugar, plus another ¾ cup of honey and ¾ cup of sweetened shredded coconut (I use unsweetened coconut chips). So, the lesson is to make your granola at home, and then make a whole bunch more and sell it at a farmer's market if you need some extra cash. (And make some gluten-free baked goods while you're at it, because the markup is even greater when you're selling to the Karens of the world.)

 

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The world’s most relaxing song?

I came across an article claiming that the world's most relaxing song is "Weightless" by the English "ambient music" band Marconi Union. In creating the piece, the band worked with Lyz Cooper, the founder of the British Academy of Sound Therapy. (Sound therapy "uses sound, music and specialist instruments played in therapeutic ways, combined with deep self-reflection techniques to improve health and wellbeing," which sounds like a music therapy knockoff to me.) According to one study by Mindlab, the song lowers heart rate, slows breathing, and decreases levels of the stress hormone cortisol, thus "induc[ing] an 11% increase in relaxation over all other relaxing music tracks" (or at least the 16 other tracks included in the study, including "Someone Like You" by Adele). Not only that, but "Weightless" was even more relaxing than getting a massage (6% more relaxing, to be exact), having a cup of tea (clearly a British study), going for a walk, and playing video games.

If this all sounds like mushy junk science, that it is. The study only included 20 female participants between the ages of 18 and 61 (average age = 37), because who cares if guys relax to this stuff, I guess? They played only 3:00 of each of the other tracks for the participants, who then got a 10-minute back, neck, and shoulder massage from a professional massage therapist. Only after the participants were nice and relaxed from the massage did they then listen to the full 8:00 "Weightless" track, supposedly to "allow a direct comparison to the massage."

It sounds to me like the lab was pretty invested in making sure that "Weightless" won this battle at all costs, though no one commented on that in either of the articles I read about the relaxing power of the song in two reputable magazines: Forbes and Psychology Today. Anyway, here's the song so you can decide for yourselves just how relaxing it is. But first take note of the warning in the Psychology Today article: "Scientists recommend that you do not listen to this while driving." 🤣

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The right Mou for the job, episode II: We are the champions!

Back in July, I speculated that AS Roma's splashy new managerial signing, the legendary José Mourinho, would bring some stultifying soccer to our beloved club. Well, he did that, to some extent, but he also just delivered the first major European trophy in our 95-year history. That's right, we are the winners of the inaugural UEFA Europa Conference League, making us champions in Europe if not of Europe. Woohoo! Enjoy all of the many highlights from yesterday's slender 1-0 win over a puny Dutch team:

 

 

 

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Book sale, day 2

After a successful first evening at the book sale, Mom and I went back the very next day, though we waited until the late afternoon for all of the book sellers and their annoying scanners to clear out. Once you find some of the books on your list during your first visit, the second day can be even more fun, because that's when I linger over things looking for interesting finds that I might never have heard of otherwise. For $1 or $2 a book, it's a great way to try something out that I wouldn't bother with if I had to pay full price. Here's my haul from day 2:

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Use a microwave, episode III

As I'm honing in on the best uses of the microwave, I've recently discovered that you can make a really good soup in about 20 minutes using mostly pantry ingredients. Last week it was a big can of black beans, this week it's frozen corn, which turned out even better than the black bean soup we really liked. This recipe is supposed to recall the flavors of Mexican street corn (elote), though I'll have to take their word for it. Now you should stock an extra bag of corn in the freezer next to that one we all use to ice various ailments.

The joy of Procreation

Procreate® must be one of the most poorly named apps out there. It has nothing to do with the making of babies, with which I am already well-versed, but is instead a best-selling program for making art (not love) on the iPad. Cassie recently introduced me to the Procreate app (check out her collection of beautiful pieces sometime), and I took a course for beginners that she recommended. There are also tons of YouTube videos, one of which I adapted to make this, which you should all be very familiar with:

Now you have a fancy-schmancy, fully downloadable version of the index card of fatherly wisdom, just in case you ever forget the complex principles I formulated to guide you in pursuing a happy life.

 

After the index card, my next project was a no-brainer: after six years, it was time to design the Use a Kitchen Scale logo. For those of you who haven't noticed yet (shame on you), about a week ago I deployed the logo on the right side of the screen, above the "SEARCH THIS BLOG" gadget. See it over there? 

↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗↗

 

And here it is blown up so you can really appreciate my surprisingly refined, albeit nascent, artistic sensibility:

Nice, right? Licensing opportunities are available at attractive rates for anyone who wants to use the logo to move some merch.

 

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Fast food, episode X

I've been informed that the UaKS "fast food" episodes are such "grad school staples" that there's been a request for a tenth installment in the franchise. Ever happy to oblige my adoring fans, I went to Libby and borrowed a copy of America's Test Kitchen's The Best Simple Recipes, which is filled with over 200 recipes that can all (allegedly) be made in 30 minutes of less. Unfortunately, about 90% of the recipes have meat in them, which didn't make the book particularly useful for two of you.

 

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Last meals

Tucked inside the front cover of my well-loved copy of The Zuni Cafe Cookbook by Judy Rodgers (2002) is Dwight Garner's review of the book that appeared in the December 8, 2002 edition of The New York Times. Garner started his review by calling it not only 2002's best cookbook but "the one people are still likely to be talking about, and cooking from, 20 years down the line." Prescient words. At the end of the review, Garner suggested zeroing in on the recipe for sea bass with leeks, potatoes, and thyme. The dish was "the best thing that had ever come out of [his] kitchen." Garner even went so far as to say that it was something he and his wife would "serve at our last meal."

In the 19 years I've owned The Zuni Cafe Cookbook, I never have tried the sea bass. However, another dish from the same book—pasta with tuna and pine nuts—would make it onto the podium if I were casting about for my last meal. One of the other contenders has always been potato gnocchi with sage butter and Parmesan. And now I think I have my third finalist: Chili Colorado.

 

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My fig crop, episode III

Every year I bemoan the lack of figs on my cherished fig trees (thanks a lot, squirrels!). But odd years I have gotten some: almost twenty in 2017 and all of two in 2019. I figured this year would be like 2018 and 2020 when I had none, since Mom caught the squirrels eating my immature figs red-handed this summer, but in a late rush I've picked about a dozen so far. They're still tiny little figs, but they are tasty and I used seven of them to make a pair of salads for Mom and me.

Mom thinks she's discovered the secret to keeping the squirrels away, so maybe next summer will finally be the year I pick figs by the handful. You can always dream, anyway

 

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Air travel, am I right?

I've written before about the horrors of the DMV, but air travel nowadays isn't far, if at all, behind. It seems like almost every trip one of us makes is a disaster or near-disaster. Last night Mom, Cassie, and Brad had the hopefully-once-in-a-lifetime experience of spending the night at the airport when their flight to Charlotte was so delayed that they missed the connector to Tallanastee. It was so late when they got in, and the rescheduled flight was leaving so early, that it just wasn't worth the effort to go to a hotel. So here are Brad and Cass doing the best they can to catch a few winks at the airport:

I gotta say, traveling with your own sheets for just such an eventuality is genius!

 

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Belated Mother's Day advice

I read an article by Arthur Brooks about "How Adult Children Affect Their Mother's Happiness." There was a lot of interesting information, only a small portion of which I would say applies to Mom. One fact I found both surprising and not, given our own experience, was that when Brooks used the 2018 General Social Survey collected by NORC at the University of Chicago to statistically model mothers’ reported happiness against the number of children they have, he found that "well-being increases as a woman has her first, second, and third child. The fourth child and beyond are associated with falling happiness." Nailed it!

Based on the social science research, Brooks suggested three ways for people to make their mother happier by trying to make sure she gets as much out of the relationship as she puts in. Of his suggestions, I think only one is relevant to Mom, but it's a good one:

The next time you call your mother—and make it today—ask her about something going on in her life that doesn’t involve you at all but that you know is important to her. Ask for details, listen, and then offer your thoughts. It might feel odd at first for both of you, but you’ll get used to it, and your mom will like it.

While the article was obviously timed to coincide with Mother's Day, Brooks's suggestion applies any day. Give it a try!

 

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The uses of fart spray

I've been having trouble finding a book that will grab my attention, so I finally picked up something I knew I'd like—The Righteous Mind (2012) by Jonathan Haidt.

$1 at the Friends of the Library Book Sale

Also $1 at the book sale

Haidt's first book, The Happiness Hypothesis (2006), is one of my favorites, and The Righteous Mind literally picks up exactly where The Happiness Hypothesis left off. In the first part of The Righteous Mind, Haidt canvasses various experiments that support his first principle of moral psychology, which is that "[i]ntuitions come first, strategic reasoning second." The idea is that people stake out a position first, usually for intuitive reasons, before finding evidence to support that position, in a process known as confirmation bias.

One example of social intuitionism is found in a study showing that people's moral judgments are impacted by their sense of smell, which is obviously intuitive and not rational. The experimental design involved a Stanford grad student surreptitiously spraying a trash can with fart spray half of the time before stopping subjects in the vicinity of the can to have them fill out a survey. The participants who were surveyed next to the malodorous trash can made harsher judgments about the controversial issues they were asked about. My favorite part was tracking down the actual article that was published in the august Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin ("Disgust as Embodied Moral Judgment") and reading this analytical description of the fart spray, including where the scientists procured it:

The fart spray (purchased at www.forumnovelties.com) consisted of ammonium sulfide in a water solution. When the solution is sprayed, hydrogen sulfide, a component of flatulence, is released alongside ammonia. The resultant odor is unpleasant but harmless at low levels.

I'm glad they cleared that up.

As cool as it is to use fart spray in serious scientific research, nothing beats incorporating it into a killer strategy for taking revenge on filthy porch pirates. If you haven't seen Mark Rober on YouTube (he has over 12 million subscribers), he's a mechanical engineer who quit his job at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (where he spent seven years working on the Mars Curiosity Rover) and is now making highly entertaining videos. After a freebooter made the mistake of swiping a package off Rober's porch, he channeled his inner Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin's character in Home Alone) and built the ne plus ultra of anti-porch piracy devices.

When the buccaneers open the fake packages, they get showered with a pound of the "world's finest glitter" and multiple doses of fart spray. The use of fart spray is doubly ingenious because it douses the pirates and the area where they open their faux booty with a hideous smell, which is not only funny but also encourages them to toss the high-tech packages, thereby increasing Rober's chances of recovering them through the GPS-tracking phones he employs for that purpose and to film the entire episodes for his, and our, entertainment.

Rober's first escapade using his "glitter bomb trap" was so popular that he made some upgrades in a second iteration, including adding a second bottle of even fouler smelling fart spray, which he tested with the help of Macaulay Culkin himself. When you're done with these videos, check out the squirrel ninja obstacle course that Rober built in his backyard.

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The dud parents wash their hands

One of the many things Mom and I apparently neglected to teach you is how to wash your hands properly, which is a skill that is obviously more important now but that will serve you well for the rest of your lives. I've sent the New York Times video around, but several of you have confessed to not having watched it, so I'll try again by embedding this CDC video right here on UaKS, which I know you all read religiously.😄




At first, it seemed like a big drag to be washing my hands for at least 20 seconds at a time, over and over, every day. But now I've realized it's a great way to have a moment of Zen at various times during the day and really be mindful about what I'm doing while washing my hands. Lots of books say to take mindful showers, but I find the focus required to wash my hands properly is much easier to carry off. So watch the video and start washing your hands the right way so there will be one less reason that I'm a dud parent.

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Hamilton home delivery

John Krasinski's Some Good News show is making the rounds on YouTube. For all of the Hamilton fans in our extended family, there was a great moment in episode 2 when the original cast, including Lin-Manuel Miranda, reunited virtually to sing the opening number for a 9-year-old girl who missed her much-anticipated trip to see Hamilton on Broadway due to the pandemic. Check it out here:

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