When Paul Met Karen

I recently started listening to the Love Factually podcast, which is one of the most "Paul" podcasts ever. The idea is that two relationship scientists — Paul Eastwick, who is a professor at the University of California, Davis, and Eli Finkel, who is at Northwestern — talk about famous rom-coms and tell you what they get right and wrong about how relationships actually work. I love that their substack [1] cites and links to all of the academic papers Eastwick and Finkel discuss in each episode, so I can read the science for myself if I so choose.

 

They discussed "When Harry Met Sally" in Episode 1, because where else would you start if you're doing a podcast about rom-coms? One of the things that movie gets right is that the lead characters start out as friends first (well, frenemies first really). Relationship scientists have mostly overlooked "The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance," say the authors of a paper with that name,[2] because friends-first initiation is much harder to study than dating initiation of a romantic relationship. [3]

What the authors found in their study, contrary to what is portrayed in a fair number of rom-coms, is that friends-first initiation is the most common pathway to romance. About 70 percent of romantic partners reported that they were friends first. On average, they had been friends for nearly two years (21.9 months) before becoming romantic partners. And friends-first initiation accords with people's perception of the best way to start a romantic relationship. The three preferred methods were: a friendship turning romantic (47%); through mutual friends (18%); and at school or college (18%).[4]

 

This is borne out by when Paul met Karen. If you read the recent meet cute episode of UaKS, you know that we check all three of those boxes, having been introduced by a mutual friend, at college, and then being friends for a long time before getting together. I did not, however, have to run miles through the streets of New York (or Baltimore) and deliver an impassioned speech to win Mom's hand once and for all.

 

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[1] You're nobody if you don't have a podcast and a substack nowadays.

 

[2]  Stinson, D. A., Cameron, J. J., & Hoplock, L. B. (2022). The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance: Prevalent, Preferred, and Overlooked by Science. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 13(2), 562-571.

 

[3] Relationship scientists love to study speed dating, which involves looking at five-minute conversations between would-be romantic partners. A search for "speed dating" at Semantic Scholar turns up 992 papers. 

 

[4] In case you were wondering, blind dating was dead last at 0.3 percent.

 

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I can't say there's anything particularly romantic about this soup, but it is delicious, healthy, and easy to make, using pantry staples except for some spinach or other greens. Highly recommended.

 

Chickpea Soup with Spinach

Adapted from The Mediterranean Dish (2022) by Suzy Karadsheh

Time: ~48 minutes

2 (15.5-ounce) cans of chickpeas
40 grams (3 tablespoons) extra-virgin olive oil, plus extra for serving
1 large yellow onion, coarsely chopped
½ teaspoon Diamond Crystal kosher salt
4 good-sized garlic cloves, minced or pressed
¾ teaspoon sweet paprika
½ teaspoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon ground coriander
up to ½ teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
up to ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
945 grams (4 cups) vegetable broth or stock (24 grams of Better than Bouillon if you’re using that to make the broth)
85 grams / 3 ounces baby spinach
A handful of coarsely chopped flat-leaf parsley
Juice of ½ lemon (~2 tablespoons)
28 grams / 1 ounce (~½ cup) grated pecorino Romano cheese
Crusty bread, for serving

    1. Drain the chickpeas, reserving ½ cup of their liquid (aquafaba).
    2. In a large saucier or stockpot that has a lid, heat the oil over medium heat. Stir in the onion, and sprinkle over the salt. Cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and translucent but not browned, about 6 or 7 minutes.
    3. Stir in the garlic, paprika, cumin, coriander, red pepper flakes, and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 1 minute.
    4. Add the chickpeas and stir well to coat with the spices. Using a potato masher or a large fork, roughly mash some (not all) of the chickpeas just to break them up some. Add the veggie broth and ½ cup of aquafaba. Turn the heat up and bring to a boil. Cook at a steady but not violent boil for 5 minutes. Cover the pan, leaving the lid slightly ajar, and lower the heat to maintain a simmer. Cook until the chickpeas are soft, at least 15 minutes (you can go up to 30 minutes if you have the time).
    5. Remove the pan from the heat. Stir in the spinach and parsley, then let stand for 1 minute. Stir in the lemon juice. Taste for seasoning and lemon.
    6. Serve promptly, with a drizzle of olive oil, a good sprinkle of Romano, and crusty bread. Serves 4.