What you probably have backwards about romantic relationships

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

The title of this 2024 paper by Iris Wahring and colleagues says it all: "Romantic Relationships Matter More to Men than to Women." I bet you had that one backwards.

 

The authors start with the widespread view that women are "more romantic than men, and romantic relationships are assumed to be more central to the lives of women than to those of men." But based on recent research painting a different picture, they propose that, relative to women, men actually (1) "expect to obtain greater benefits from relationship formation and thus strive more strongly for a romantic partner"; (2) "benefit more from romantic relationship involvement in terms of their mental and physical health"; (3) "are less likely to initiate breakups"; and (4) "suffer more from relationship dissolution." 

 

Why should romantic relationships be more consequential to men than to women? It's simple, really: "The basic mechanism [is] that men perceive less intimacy and less emotional support from their social ties beyond romantic partners." In other words, everyone needs intimacy and emotional support, but women can get that from their women friends and family members* while the vast majority of men are not getting enough of that while hanging out with their bros watching sports. So men have to turn to their female romantic partners to get the same kind of emotional support that women are getting from their other social relationships. Men, remember that when you're looking to make some new male friends.

 

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*One theory is that "women (relative to men) are more inclined to turn to others when distressed in a tending and befriending manner – that is, banding together with others for mutual support, resources, and protection," which causes "the release of oxytocin known to facilitate affiliation and emotional bonding with other people."

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Outsourcing my blog, episode VI: Above and beyond the call

[Moriah spent months perfecting this recipe so that Mom could have a reliable recipe for making gluten-free sourdough. Talk about going above and beyond the call!]

 

 

Karen makes a huge sourdough loaf every week for the family but can't eat it herself! I wanted to perfect a gluten free sourdough recipe so Karen can enjoy the fruits of her own sourdough-labors. After a lot of research and four attempts with tweaks, it turned out better than I could have imagined. 

A thousand butterflies

I just finished The Book of (More) Delights (2023), Ross Gay's endlessly entertaining second book of "essayettes," each documenting his delight of record every day for a year. Two of you at least should be able to appreciate this excerpt from his entry for July 7 about the courtesy of truckers:

Very occasionally, at night, when I'm tired but with miles to go before I sleep, I'll let myself slip into the fantasy that a truck behind my is a demon truck, like that Stephen King movie, and let it be said that Stephen King kinda ruined a lot of shit. Tell me you wouldn't be afraid to stay the winter for free in a big beautiful empty ski lodge with lots of food and these days probably Wi-Fi and a pool. Tell me you're not a little bit afraid of homecoming or prom or whatever. Tell me you're not a little bit afraid of bid cuddly slobbery dogs, or clowns, or '57 Chevys, or cornfields, or your pets, or your kids. See what I'm saying?

How to make Mom happy

I just read Drop Dead Healthy, which is a fun book by A.J. Jacobs, who used to write a humor column for Esquire magazine. Jacobs spent two years trying all sorts of different things to try to live healthier and ultimately achieve "bodily perfection." One thing he mentioned early in the book was filling his apartment with plants he called "mother-in-law's tongue," which he says "got their name because of the sharpness of the leaves." (JC would obviously never find this humorous.) They're better known as snake plants (Sansevieria). Jacobs mentioned a NASA study finding that snake plants effectively clean the air in indoor spaces.

 

The capacity to give a shit

During our car trip to Georgia and back,* Brad and I listened to multiple episodes of The Happiness Lab with Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos, which is my second can’t-miss podcast after Poetry Unbound. We listened to almost all of the “bonus” episodes from early in the coronavirus lockdown. These included lots of good information that is useful even when you're not living through a pandemic.

For example, the episode on how to coach yourself through a crisis introduced the idea of "psychological distance." Ever wonder how you can be panicked about an issue, but Mom and I can discuss it with you much more rationally and help you problem-solve? That's because, in the end, it's not our decision to make, so we can brainstorm ideas without the emotional overlay. It turns out you can gain some psychological distance from your own problems just by thinking about them in the third person, like LeBron James famously did when making "The Decision" about what team to join in free agency in 2010 ("One thing I didn't want to do was make an emotional decision. And I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James and what LeBron James was going to do to make him happy."). Dr. Santos discussed this idea with Ethan Kross, a professor at the University of Michigan who co-authored a study finding that this kind of "third-person self-talk" is a relatively effortless way for people to "think about the self similar to how they think about others, which provides them with the psychological distance needed to facilitate self control." So the next time you're fretting over a problem, don't think, "What am I going to do?"; instead, try, "What is [Brad, Cassie, Dylan] going to do?" It sounds ridiculous, but there is good science behind it.

In another episode, Dr. Santos discussed some tips for keeping your relationship healthy during the pandemic with Eli Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern who studies romantic relationships. One idea really caught my attention because it involves, in essence, bringing the "principle of charity" into your relationship with your significant other. For Dr. Finkel, one option for dealing with what you perceive could be an unkind remark from your partner flows from Marcel Proust's observation that "Mystery is not about travelling to new places but about looking with new eyes." Dr. Finkel asks, "Can we look with new eyes when we think about our partner?" He discussed promising psychological research showing that we actually have a lot of power when interpreting our partner's statements. In particular, we get to determine whether they said something because they're disrespectful and don't appreciate us, or, alternatively, because they're overwhelmed and trying to do the best they can in difficult situations. Obviously, drawing the second conclusion has different, and much better, consequences for your relationship.

While the conversations we listened to all had useful information, by far the most entertaining was with Dan Harris, ABC newsman and author of one of my favorite books, 10% Happier. In answering Dr. Santos's question about loving-kindness meditation, Harris offered his definition of "love," which is "the capacity to give a shit" about others (and ourselves). This ability is deep-wired into all of us because people needed it to survive as part of a tribe when we were evolving on the savannahs. And we can tap into this innate capacity we all have to care about other people by doing loving-kindness meditation, which the research has shown promotes compassion and psychological well-being. Like addressing yourself in the third person, it sounds like some new-age nonsense, of which Harris himself was at first skeptical, but he is now an enthusiastic proponent. In the words of a meditation teacher he quoted, "if you can't do cheesy, you can't be free."

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*It wasn’t the main purpose of our trip, but I did say a quiet “Thank you” to Georgia as we crossed the border from South Carolina.

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Punk rockin' with "Die Hard"

In one of Cassie's internship interviews, she was asked to improvise on "The Wheels of the Bus" in the style of punk rock. How bizarre is that?! Cassie was flabbergasted because she didn't even know what punk rock is, so apparently I neglected to educate her in the music of those great Queens punk rockers the Ramones. It’s never too late to discharge your parental obligations, I say. So here is your 4:27 introduction to punk rock—with the greatest bridge ever—courtesy of Guyz Nite and Die Hard:

 

 

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Redundancy

Mom and I have enjoyed our empty nest for all of eight days since the pandemic hit in March, which was the total amount of time that JMU was able to hold onto Brad once school started in the fall. After Brad and Cass left the house for a few weeks, the first meal I made was a new tuna pasta (the fourth), with a new microwave chocolate mug cake (the fourth) for dessert. You are now undoubtedly thinking, what's with the old man, does he really need four recipes for tuna pasta and four recipes for microwave chocolate mug cake (not to mention the 4.5 recipes for banana bread)?

 

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The principle of charity

I recently finished up my traversal of Jonathan's Haidt's oeuvre with The Coddling of the American Mind (which Haidt co-wrote with First Amendment expert Greg Lukianoff). While I was disappointed that his latest work did not involve fart spray in any way, shape, or form, the book did cover a wide variety of interesting topics, including the philosophical "principle of charity." As Haidt and Lukianoff explain, the principle of charity holds that "one should interpret other people's statements in their best, most reasonable form, not in the worst or most offensive way possible." In other words, we must give others "the benefit of the doubt, rather than trying to twist their words to support the ugliest possible implications."[1]

The principle of charity leapt out at me because it is, of course, the exact opposite of the family's infamous "evil intent" gene, which ascribes the worst possible motive to other people's words and actions. The evil intent gene is contrary not only to the principle of charity but to Mister Rogers' first, second, and third paths to ultimate success in this world, each of which is to "be kind." Or, to change the formula ever so slightly in the words of another great philosopher,[2] "be good."

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[1] The second quote is from Haidt's article "True Diversity Requires Generosity of Spirit" (Nov. 18, 2015).
[2] That’d be yours fucking truly, to flatter myself with the New York honorific.

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Tinkerman, episode II

After tabulating the eight most-viewed episodes of UaKS so far, I realized that I hadn't made the Chickpea Curry (a surprising #6 on the list) in a while. But no recipe is safe from tinkering, if needed, and I've never been completely happy with the texture of the chickpeas in that dish when I make it with canned chickpeas, which is almost always. They're just not soft enough after being cooked for the time specified in the original recipe. So I added some more liquid to the recipe (most of the aquafaba in the cans, which cuts down on waste and boosts the protein) and cooked the chickpeas longer in that liquid, with the lid on for part of the cooking time. The result was soft chickpeas, with the added bonus of extra sauce to soak into the rice and/or naan the curry is served over. I'm not posting a new recipe, just making the changes to the old one, which is now Chickpea Curry 1.1.

I also varied my basic recipe for Buttermilk Pancakes by substituting half a can of pumpkin puree for the ¼ cup of yogurt and adding 1 teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice. I updated the original recipe to include pumpkin pancakes as a variation, but Cassie asked me to also post this separately because, shockingly, she loved these pumpkin pancakes, whereas she is not a fan of regular pancakes. And even Brad said these are better than regular buttermilk pancakes, so there you go. Breakfast for dinner in about 20 minutes.

Pumpkin Pancakes

Adapted from Gena Hamshaw via Food52 and Cook's Country #63 June/July 2015

Time: 12 minutes to make the batter; cooking time varies based on whether you're making the pancakes on a griddle or in a skillet

You can also make this recipe with non-dairy milk. At the beginning of step 2, vigorously whisk together 2 cups (485 grams) of your favorite non-dairy milk with 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar until the mixture is a little frothy, then whisk in the pumpkin and eggs.

Dry ingredients
300 grams (~2½ cups) gluten-free flour blend or all-purpose flour or a mix of all-purpose and whole-wheat flour
25 grams (2 tablespoons) granulated sugar
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (store bought or make your own)
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
rounded ½ teaspoon fine sea salt

Wet ingredients
2 large eggs (~57 grams each in the shells)
485 grams (2 cups) buttermilk (see note)
212 grams (½ can/~⅞ cup) pumpkin puree (use the other ½ can for pumpkin muffins)
3 tablespoons (42 grams) unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly, or neutral-flavored oil such as sunflower, canola, or vegetable

Neutral-flavored oil such as sunflower, canola, or vegetable, for cooking

    1. In a medium bowl, whisk the dry ingredients together.
    2. Place the eggs in a large bowl and whisk to break them up. Add the buttermilk, pumpkin, and melted butter or oil, and whisk until smooth.
    3a. If you're using a gluten-free flour blend, dump the dry ingredients into the large bowl, then whisk everything together quite thoroughly until the batter is completely smooth (see the first photo above).
    3b. If you're using all-purpose flour or a mix, dump the dry ingredients into the large bowl, then whisk everything together until blended and there are no streaks of dry flour or big lumps, but use a gentler hand to avoid tough pancakes.
    4. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large griddle set to 350 degrees (or 1 teaspoon oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet set over medium heat) until hot. Gently wipe out the oil with a paper towel, leaving just a thin film on the bottom of the pan.
    5. Using a ¼-cup dry measuring cup, a 2-ounce ladle, or a #16 (¼ cup) disher, scoop the batter onto the griddle in 8 places (or into the pan in 3 places). Cook until the edges of the pancakes are set, the bottoms are golden brown, and bubbles on the top begin to pop, about 2 to 3 minutes. Flip the pancakes as gently as you can, and cook until the other sides are golden brown, 1 to 2 minutes more. Repeat with the remaining batter, oiling and wiping out the griddle (or pan) again as needed. Serve promptly with real maple syrup. Makes ~24 four-inch pancakes, serving 4.

The results are in

Since the quarantine started, Alton Brown has been entertaining his fans with two kinds of YouTube videos: longer Quarantine Quitchen episodes where AB and his wife Elizabeth (and sometimes their rescue dog Scabigail) cook a meal together; and shorter Pantry Raid episodes where AB whips something up real quick using whatever is around the kitchen. AB made his chewy peanut butter cookies in one of the first pantry raids. I usually run screaming from anything involving peanut butter, but Brad and I decided to try these after I found a big container of Skippy® creamy peanut butter (FUEL the FUN!®) hiding in the back of a cupboard from last Christmas when Mom made her usual peanut butter blossom cookies.

Blue days, part II

Even after using almost a pound of blueberries in the Blueberry Buckle, we still had more than enough berries left to make this crumble, which uses even more blueberries (1¼ pounds) than the buckle. The crumble isn't as good as the buckle, but it's still pretty darn tasty for something you can throw together in about 10 minutes and have on the table for dessert in less than an hour.

The lumpy crumb topping

Blueberry Crumble

Adapted from Marian Bull via Food52 (with video); see also Food52 Baking (2015) via Simple by Cindy

Time: ~45 minutes (only 12 minutes active)

This recipe also works with other berries and chopped or sliced stone fruits. You can also use frozen fruit; add an extra tablespoon of flour (23 grams total) to the filling and bake for an extra 5 to 10 minutes. If you really overdid it at the berry patch, you can double the recipe and make it in a 13-by-9-inch baking dish.

Filling
570 grams/20 ounces (4 cups/2 pints) fresh blueberries (see note)
25 grams (2 tablespoons) white granulated sugar
15 grams (2 tablespoons) all-purpose flour or Thai glutinous/sweet white rice flour

Topping
125 grams (1 cup) all-purpose flour or UaKS Gluten-Free Flour Blend
100 grams (½ cup) light brown sugar
¼ teaspoon fine sea salt
85 grams (6 tablespoons) unsalted butter, melted

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 375 degrees. Spray an 8-inch square baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. 
    2. For the filling: Place the blueberries in a large bowl. Sprinkle with the sugar and flour. Mix gently until the berries are evenly coated. Transfer to the baking dish.
    3. For the topping: In the same large bowl, mix the flour, brown sugar, and salt together, breaking up any big pieces of sugar. Using a silicone spatula, stir in the melted butter until clumps form (see the first photo above). Sprinkle the topping evenly over the filling.
    4. Bake until the berries are bubbling and the topping is golden brown and delicious, about 30 to 35 minutes. Serve warm, preferably with good vanilla ice cream. Makes 8 servings.

Fast food, episode IX

It's easy to get into a breakfast rut. I ate cereal with milk for about 50 years until cow's milk stopped agreeing me and processed cereal made with white flour and sugar, among other things, no longer appealed. After that, I switched to fruit smoothies, which is what I now have for breakfast pretty much every day. Every once in a while, I'll switch it up with banana oatmeal, but that's about it. I don't even eat eggs until lunch and pancakes or waffles until dinner.

But now I've found something I'll happily eat for breakfast other than smoothies. This muesli is positively ambrosial. Plus you can throw it together in a little over 5 minutes before you go to bed, then have a really tasty breakfast waiting for you in the morning. That's why I like this for running mornings, so I have something ready to eat as soon as I get back.

I haven't tried this with cow's milk, but I'm sure it would be good. It was equally appealing made with almond milk and the homemade oat milk below. And the oat milk was good enough that I had it with some of Brad's cereal one morning for old time's sake.

Overnight Muesli

Adapted from EveryDayCook (2016) by Alton Brown (quadruple recipe on Good Eats: Reloaded via Cooking Channel)

Time: <6 minutes, plus coconut toasting time

In the original recipes, AB says to use 75 grams of unsweetened almond milk + 75 grams of full-fat coconut milk, but I never have coconut milk around and this works great both with 100% store-bought almond milk and homemade oat milk (recipe below).

150 grams (~⅔ cup) unsweetened almond milk or other non-dairy milk (see note)
10 grams (1½ teaspoons) maple syrup, optional
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
40 grams (~⅜ cup) old-fashioned rolled oats
30 grams (~3 tablespoons) dried fruit, such as whole cranberries, cherries, or blueberries, or chopped dates
1½ teaspoons (3 grams) ground flaxseed meal
1 teaspoon (3 grams) chia seeds
a good pinch of kosher salt
a good pinch of ground cinnamon
8 grams coconut flakes, toasted in a 300 degree oven for 5 to 6 minutes

    1. Measure the milk, maple syrup, and vanilla into a 10- to 16-ounce jar. Shake to combine.
    2. Add the oats, dried fruit, flaxseed meal, chia seeds, salt, and cinnamon to the jar. Shake to combine. Refrigerate overnight.
    3. The next morning, stir everything together with a spoon, then stir in the toasted coconut. Eat right out of the jar. Serves 1.

Oat Milk

Adapted from Food52 Vegan (2015) by Gena Hamshaw

Time: 10 minutes (not including soaking time)

The original recipe calls for 3 tablespoons (60 grams) of maple syrup and 1 teaspoon (5 grams) of vanilla extract if you’re making sweetened oat milk. But 1 tablespoon of maple syrup and ½ teaspoon of vanilla are enough to my taste, and you can leave them out entirely for unsweetened oat milk. The original recipe and the Bob's Red Mill package both say that 1 cup of steel-cut oats weighs about 180 grams, but that's not even close to what I got, so I've left the volume measurement out of my adaptation of the recipe entirely.

180 grams steel-cut oats, soaked for 1 hour in water to cover by an inch or two (see note)
708 grams (3 cups) filtered water
20 grams (1 tablespoon) maple syrup, optional (see note)
½ teaspoon real vanilla extract, optional (see note)
⅛ teaspoon fine sea salt

After soaking the oats, drain them through a fine-mesh strainer (a 6-inch strainer is about the right size to hold the oat solids). Place the drained oats and the rest of the ingredients into a blender and process until smooth. Strain through the fine-mesh strainer into a 4-cup liquid measuring cup, stirring and pressing gently on the oat mush to extract as much milk as possible. Pour into an airtight container and store in the fridge for up to 3 days. Shake well before using. Makes ~3½ cups.

"Running pauses the world around me"

After many, many months off from running due to injury, I have finally reached the point where I can again run every other day for 45 minutes to an hour without a walking break and actually enjoy it. It couldn’t have come at a better time, as the mental health benefits from being able to do even that much running have been very useful for me.

I saw a good take on running as an exercise in mindfulness in a short essay by Holly Robinson in the April 2020 issue of Real Simple magazine. Robinson came to running late, starting a Couch to 5K program (sorta like the Women's Four Miler Training Program here in town) when she was 59. From there, she graduated to a 10K, which was an achievement but not as important as her discovery that “running pauses the world around me.” That’s in stark contrast to our usual state of being on autopilot, or “nonbeing.” But

being happens [only] during those rare times when we’re fully conscious of our surroundings and feel connected to them. We’re all guilty of too many hours of nonbeing. Various tasks fracture our time, tech fills our heads with noise, and we stop paying attention to anything beyond ourselves. When I run, I have to pay attention. Running lets me be completely in the world, noticing small details, experiencing the joy of moving through snowflakes so big, it’s like floating through lace.

All of that rings true to me, as does her additional observation that running is also the “best salve for emotional turmoil,” which I’ve experienced in spades over the past eight months. There are many other ways to take a pause—such as meditating, doing yoga, even cooking if you do it mindfully—but running is the surest way for me. Who’d have thought there could be so much wisdom in Mom’s otherwise light john reading?

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The request hour, episode V

It's been quite a while since I had a specific request for a recipe from one of you, and this time I had to come up with one on my own! Dylan has been looking for a healthy-ish breakfast that he can make ahead of time and eat quickly in the morning. He tried a recipe for cottage cheese pancakes, which seemed to fit the bill, but he wasn't wild about the result, so he challenged me to see what I could come up with.

I scouted the internet and came up with a few variations on the theme. I cobbled together my own recipe from the bits I liked and tested it out on Mom and me. We were actually pretty happy with my first effort, so I sent the working recipe off to Dylan to try out and comment on. He made the pancakes last weekend and liked them a lot, so we're going to stick with what we have, just doubled to make a bigger batch. These are a cinch to make. The batter comes together in not much more than five minutes if you use a personal blender like a NutriBullet or Ninja. And check out the pictures—they look like "real" pancakes. (Dylan's pancakes came out better than mine, so I'm using the photos he sent me, except for the closeup of the batter.)

Dylan's pancakes look better than mine

Cottage Cheese Pancakes

Time: ~15 minutes (6 minutes to make the batter, ~9 minutes to cook the pancakes on a griddle, more in a skillet)

100 grams (1 cup) old-fashioned rolled oats
227 grams/8 ounces (1 cup) cottage cheese (I used 4% but 2% should work too)
4 large eggs (~57 grams each still in the shell)
2 tablespoons (27 grams) neutral-flavored oil such as sunflower, plus a little more for cooking (you can substitute melted butter)
2 teaspoons (8 grams) granulated white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon (10 grams) vanilla extract
good maple syrup, for serving (optional)

    1. Blend the oats briefly in a food processor or, preferably, the blender cup of a personal blender like a NutriBullet. Add the cottage cheese, eggs, 2 tablespoons oil, sugar, baking powder, and vanilla extract, and blend until well combined.
    2. Heat about 1 teaspoon of oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet or griddle over medium heat. When the oil is hot, carefully wipe out the skillet or griddle with a paper towel, leaving just a sheen of oil behind. Drop 2- to 3-tablespoon rounds of batter onto the skillet or griddle. Cook until set around the edges, bubbles begin to pop, and the bottoms are golden brown, about 2 minutes. Using a thin spatula, gently flip the pancakes and cook until golden brown on the other side, 1 or 2 minutes more. Repeat with the remaining batter. Serve promptly with maple syrup and/or whatever other topping you like. Makes ~18 small pancakes.

Green [Book] is good, episode IV

Mom and I have finally been hitting our stride as empty nesters the past few weeks. We went for dinner twice during Restaurant Week, to Bizou (pretty good) and Junction (excellent). We've also been out to lunch twice, to Iron (for Mom's benefit) and Kanak Indian Kitchen, which just opened and is already one of the better restaurants in C'ville and super convenient for us at 5th Street Station. We've also been to two UVA basketball games at John Paul Jones Arena; the first against Florida State was one of our better all-around games of the season, while the second, an overtime win against Notre Dame, was the worst game I've ever had the misfortune of seeing in person (the only thing that could've made it worse was if we'd lost that stinker). We went back to the JPJ for V-Day, which we spent with Trevor Noah, who was very entertaining. We also saw Just Mercy at the Violet Crown (Mom sobbed through most of it) and Green Book at the Paramount, which screened the movie on the one-year anniversary of its Oscar win for best picture.

Because it was Academy Award day, the Paramount ran a special contest: the entrant who picked the most winners in 10 separate Oscar categories would get a prize package consisting of a Paramount tote bag, the Paramount's Green Book poster, and two free Paramount movie passes, with two free popcorn and drink vouchers. I ended up winning the contest with 8 correct answers out of 10, which may be the first thing I've ever won in my life. Which is hilarious because I'd seen exactly one of the films nominated for any of the Oscars—Marriage Story—and that one only because it was showing on Netflix. I do have a secret to my success, but I can't tell you because then I'd give it away to my vast UaKS readership and wouldn't be able to double down on my achievement next year. Sorry.

One of my prizes

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Avast, ye filthy porch pirates! episode III: 'Tis the season

With the coming of the holiday season, the news of porch piracy is coming thick and fast, and is now the subject of a running email chain between my buddy Ed and me. Despite your scoffing at my concerns, there is now documented proof that this scourge has arrived in our hamlet. Item #1: A November 25 article in the Daily Progress ("Holiday packages a treasure trove for porch pirates") reports that about 11 million homeowners had a package stolen from their front porch or mailbox last year alone. A spokesman for the Charlottesville Police Department confirmed that porch pirates are "definitely out there" in C'ville. In fact, there were a "slew" of packages stolen on UVA grounds while students were out of town for fall break,[1] and that will only "increase[] during the holiday season."

That dire prediction was confirmed in a December 5 article in the DP ("Two women arrested in connection to stolen packages in Albemarle County"). The two women must have swiped a lot of packages, because they are facing a "slew" of charges, including obtaining money by false pretenses, trespassing, 13 counts of misdemeanor larceny, and one count of felony grand larceny. [2] The women told police that they had targeted various C'ville neighborhoods, including Carriage Hill, Turtle Creek Condominiums, the 14th Street area, and Ivy Garden Apartments, where Mom and I lived while I was in law school.

I emailed a link to the first article to Ed, who responded with a link of his own to a video describing "How to protect your packages from being stolen." The video starts with some high-quality footage of various freebooters swiping packages from front porches, including one picaroon wearing a "SECURITY" tee shirt, which is kinda funny. The first suggestion is to use Amazon Key, which allows delivery people to unlock your front door to enter your house and leave packages inside. Doesn't that sound like a great idea—stopping theft from your front porch by giving someone you don't know access to the rest of your house? I'll take a hard pass on that one. Other suggestions in the video and DP article include having your packages shipped to a locker at UPS, FedEx, or Whole Foods (Amazon again), or bolting an ugly lockbox to a table on your porch, [3] all of which are a big pain in the ass. But my favorite suggestion was to get one of those newfangled doorbell cameras (top-rated model only $229!) that let you see on your smartphone who's ringing your doorbell, as if a porch pirate is going to ring your fucking doorbell before looting your front porch. I think it's time to shop in real stores again.

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[1] My heart is absolutely breaking for all of the UVA students now having to go without the pastel apparel and docksiders they ordered. O' thou cruel buccaneers, take pity on the scholars during this most joyous season of giving!

[2] I guess one package had a lot more than just socks in it for them to get hit with a felony charge.

[3] The video makes it look like a pretty large lockbox will still only fit something no bigger than a loaf of Mom's child-sized bread inside. Plus, you gotta cram the stuff in there, so don't order anything breakable. I also wonder if there's a neighborhood covenant against having a big steel lockbox on your porch?

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Mr. Graham's moment of glory

Humble Beginnings

Once upon a time, there was an annual Fourth of July party in the Stoney Creek cul-de-sac. The festivities included a pie contest, for which I often served as one of the judges. Early on, Mr. Graham would buy a pie at the store, remove the pie from its aluminum home, then transfer the pie to a plate and (jokingly) enter it in the contest. Mr. Graham eventually realized the error of his ways and started baking his own pies.

Fast forward to the fall of 2018, when Mr. Graham entered a pie-making challenge with a friend. Mr. Graham started out making a double-crust blueberry pie. It was okay, but the crust was not flaky and the blueberry filling did not really grab your taste buds. After Mary Alice had a catering gig with the C&O Restaurant, she and Mr. Graham ate leftovers of sweet potatoes and wild blueberries. The seed was planted for a new filling, and Mr. Graham started experimenting with a combination of sweet potatoes and blueberries. A flavor success! Mr. Graham also tinkered with the crust to improve the flakiness.

Some of the experimental pies that paved the road to greatness

The master at work—check out the fancy pastry mat!

   

Mr. Graham's Moment of Glory

Though the annual Fourth of July party is no more, there was a Stoney Creek cul-de-sac gathering back in June of this year, which seemed like a good occasion for an impromptu pie contest for old times' sake. There were seven entries, including Mom's take on my Not Really Key Lime Pie (#3 in the picture below) and Mr. Graham's Sweet Potato-Blueberry Pie, which is just to the left of Mom's pie. 

Every partygoer had a taste of each of the pies, then voted by secret ballot for their favorite. Each vote in favor of Mr. Graham's pie was met with a thunderous cheer from Mr. Graham. When the votes were counted, Mr. Graham's pie emerged the winner, besting my still-not-award-winning pie by a tally of seven to five. Mr. Graham was crowned the Mid-Atlantic Stoney Creek Cul-de-Sac Pie Champion for 2019. Not quite as impressive as being an Olympic ping-pong gold medalist, perhaps, but close and pretty darn good all the same.

Just another day at the office for a pie-making legend

Mary Alice and Mr. Graham kindly provided me with some of the back story and the winning pie recipe, which I finally had a chance to make this past weekend, albeit with a gluten-free crust substituted for Mom's benefit. We invited Mary Alice and Mr. Graham over to try it out, and I'm happy to report that Mr. Graham gave his seal of approval to my version of his award-winning pie.

Rubbing elbows with the Prince of Pie

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Step 3 of the recipe below

Step 5

Step 8

Step 11

The finished product

Mr. Graham's Sweet Potato-Blueberry Pie

Adapted from Mr. Graham (who adapted the pie recipe from Divas Can Cook) and The How Can It Be Gluten Free Cookbook (2014) by America’s Test Kitchen via NPR (for the crust)

Time: It took 15 minutes to make the crust and get it in the fridge to rest; from there, it took about 2 hours to make the pie.

You have several options for the crust other than the gluten-free one set out below. The original recipe Mr. Graham adapted his pie from uses an all-shortening crust; you can view that recipe here. If you want to do an all-butter pie crust using all-purpose flour, I highly recommend J. Kenji Lopez-Alt's Easy Pie Dough recipe on Serious Eats. Also check out Lopez-Alt's gallery of photos showing how to make the pie crust step-by-step; even if you go with one of the other crusts, the pictures will still be useful, especially the ones showing how to get the crust into the pie plate and flute the edges.

Gluten-Free Pie Crust
113 grams (1 stick/8 tablespoons) unsalted butter
37 grams (2½ tablespoons) cold water
23 grams (1½ tablespoons) plain whole-milk yogurt or sour cream
7 grams (1½ teaspoons) rice vinegar
185 grams (1½ cups) UaKS Gluten-Free Flour Blend or other commercial or homemade gluten-free flour blend
6 grams (1½ teaspoons) white sugar
¾ teaspoon fine sea salt
¼ teaspoon xanthan gum

Sweet Potato-Blueberry Filling
3 medium sweet potatoes, washed well but unpeeled
113 grams (1 stick/8 tablespoons) unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
120 grams (½ cup) evaporated milk
2 large eggs (~57 grams each still in the shell)
1 teaspoon (4 grams) vanilla extract
100 grams (½ cup) white sugar
100 grams (½ cup) brown sugar
8 grams (1 tablespoon) Thai glutinous white rice flour, or tapioca flour/starch, or gluten-free flour blend
½ teaspoon nutmeg, preferably freshly ground
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
a pinch of salt
~140 grams (~1¼ cups) frozen blueberries

    1. Make the pie dough: Cut the butter into ¼-inch pieces, then stick them in the freezer for 10 minutes.
    2. Meanwhile, in a very small bowl, whisk together the cold water, yogurt or sour cream, and vinegar. Park the bowl in the fridge while the butter is freezing.
    3. Place the gluten-free flour blend, sugar, salt, and xanthan gum in the work bowl of a food processor fitted with the metal "s" blade. Process for 5 seconds. Scatter the frozen butter pieces evenly over the flour mixture (see the photo above). Pulse until the butter is the size of large peas, about 8 one-second pulses.
    4. Spoon half of the yogurt mixture (~2 tablespoons) over the flour mixture; mix in with 3 one-second pulses. Scrape in the remaining yogurt mixture, then process just until clumps form, about 6–8 one-second pulses.
    5. Dump the dough onto a lightly floured work surface. Using your hands, gather it into a cohesive ball. Flatten into a 5-inch disk (see photo above). Wrap the disk in plastic cling wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. (You can make the dough ahead and keep it in the fridge for up to 2 days.)
    6. Roast the sweet potatoes: While the dough is resting, place a rack in the center of the oven and heat to 375 degrees. Place the sweet potatoes on a plate in the microwave and nuke on high power for 4 minutes. Rotate the plate 90 degrees, then zap on high power for 4 minutes more. Transfer the potatoes to a foil-lined baking sheet, and roast until a skewer or thin knife slips through each potato with no resistance, about 15–20 minutes (watch carefully so the flesh doesn't liquefy completely during roasting). Set aside until cool enough to peel.
    7. Form the pie crust: Once the dough has chilled in the fridge for at least 1 hour, let it sit out on your work surface to soften slightly, about 15 minutes. Unwrap the disk, but leave it on the plastic wrap. Cover with another large sheet of plastic wrap. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough into a 12-inch circle. Remove the top sheet of plastic. Place a 9-inch pie plate on top of the dough, then invert gently. Ease the dough into the pie plate, using one hand to lift the plastic wrap off the dough while using the other hand to press the dough into the pie plate. (Keep the plastic wrap to use in the next step.)
    8. Using clean kitchen shears or sharp scissors, trim the excess dough so that it overhangs the edge by ½ inch all around. You can use the trimmed pieces to patch any cracks or fill in around the edge where needed. Tuck the overhanging dough under itself all the way around the pie, so that it rests on the lip of the pie plate, flush with the edge. Using the index finger of one hand and the thumb and forefinger of the other, flute the edges of the pie crust all the way around (see photo above and steps 18 to 21 in Lopez-Alt's gallery of photos). Cover the dough loosely with the reserved plastic wrap, and freeze until firm, about 15 minutes.
    9. Blind-bake the pie crust: With the oven still at 375 degrees, bake the crust until light brown in color (don't overdo it), about 20 minutes. Transfer the pie plate to a wire rack. Increase the oven temperature to 425 degrees.
    10. Make the filling: While the pie crust is blind-baking, peel the warm sweet potatoes. Weigh 500 grams (a little over 2 cups) of sweet potatoes into the work bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or a large bowl with a hand mixer (or a whisk, if you're wanting a workout). Beat the sweet potatoes on medium or medium-high speed until smooth and creamy. Pour in the melted butter, and mix until combined. Add the milk, eggs, and vanilla, and mix until combined. Add the sugars, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, and salt, and mix on low speed until smooth.
    11. Add just enough frozen blueberries to cover the bottom of the still-warm, partially baked pie crust in a single layer (see photo above). Scrape the filling gently over the blueberries; the crust should be pretty full.
    12. Bake the pie: Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. If the edges of the pie are browning quickly, tent the pie very loosely with a large square of aluminum foil. Lower the oven temperature to 350 degrees, and continue baking until the filling is pulling away from, and lightly cracked around, the edges, and a small-ish circle in the center of the pie wiggles slightly when jiggled, about 20–25 minutes (but start checking after 15 minutes). Transfer the pie back to the wire rack, and let cool at least until the filling is completely set, about 2 hours. Serve slightly warm or at room temperature.

Kudos to Uncle Bob, episode II

It was just about a year ago that Uncle Bob was elected to the National Academy of Medicine based on "his innovative application of a groundbreaking capability framework that provides a practical and positive method for addressing the social and environmental determinants of health in participatory interventions that integrate primary care and community health." [1] This past weekend, Mom and I caught up with Uncle Bob and his clan for the actual induction ceremony at the beautiful National Academy of Sciences building in Washington D.C. The inductees were a seriously impressive group that included, in addition to Uncle Bob, the Chief of Surgery of Massachusetts General Hospital and the Dean of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, among many other heavy hitters in the medical world.

Fortunately, the weekend ended better than it started. Saturday morning, I lost a fight with a wall on my way down to the basement. Mom heard the big bang when I cracked my head open and "thought about checking on" me, but apparently thought better of it and went back to sleep, at least until I finally stanched the bleeding and made my way back upstairs to get her opinion on whether I needed any stitches to close the wound. To her credit, Mom suppressed her usual reaction, which would've been to laugh at my misfortune. On the other hand, Mom couldn't stop herself from saying that I looked like the Old Guy Who Lived, and how cool it was that I'd have a Harry Potter scar for the rest of my life:

Thankfully, no stitches were required, and we were able to get to D.C. in time to spend a lovely afternoon taking in many of the monuments in and around the National Mall, including some that were built since the last time I was there many years ago. That includes the especially impressive Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial, which was dedicated in 2011 and sits directly across the Tidal Basin from the Thomas Jefferson Memorial. Unless I am deceived, there seems to be a subversive element in having Dr. King, in a 30-foot-tall statue depicting him in a rather stern pose with arms crossed, looking over towards, but not directly at, the slightly shorter statue of Mr. Jefferson, the great slave owner.

The Old Guy Who Lived enjoying the Monument Walk with Mom

After that, we finished our whirlwind tour with the Reflecting Pool, the awe-inspiring Lincoln Memorial, and the powerful but somber Vietnam Veterans Memorial, which is just a few hundred feet from the National Academy of Sciences building. There, we met up with Uncle Bob and family for the induction ceremony and post-induction dinner, where a good time was had by all.

See how my tie matches Mom's dress (on purpose)?

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[1] Here are links to three of Uncle Bob's studies using the capability framework that were published in the Annals of Family Medicine (March 2016, January 2014, September 2010), if you're wanting to catch up on some light medical reading.

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