The first ever UaKS movie review

Barbie • PG-13 • 1:54

 

The first half was sufficiently tedious that I fell asleep and caught some much needed 💤, so that was a net positive.

 

In the second half of the movie, when most of the audience chuckled during one scene, a little girl seated two rows down exclaimed "What's so funny?! It's not funny!" Out of the mouths of babes …

 

I especially enjoyed when America Ferrera's character shouted what was literally the entire point of the movie at me, just in case I otherwise would have been too thick to understand it for myself. But I suppose subtlety is a luxury you can't afford when you're taking on the Patriarchy.

In the end, Barbie was doomed to come off second-best in a genre that was both defined and finished by Toy Story. Of course, it's entirely possible I think that just because Barbie had only a cameo role in the Toy Story sequels, while the stars were always two white males—and a cowboy and a spaceman to boot: I mean, how much more embedded in the Patriarchy can you get than Woody and Buzz?

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In honor of Barbie, I am posting what is, surprisingly, a first recipe for blondies. (It will also be the last recipe for blondies, given its quality.) After spending so much effort trying to get the ratios just right for a really good skillet chocolate chip cookie, I now realize it was a waste of time, as it's much easier to make a good blondie instead. These also work great with gluten-free flour, and who can pass up a joyous funfetti anything?

 

Chocolate Chip Blondies

Adapted from Broma Bakery (May 12, 2022 [chocolate chip]; Feb. 28, 2022 [funfetti])

Time: ~40 minutes (15 minutes active)

113 grams (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
200 grams (1 cup) brown sugar
1 large egg (~50 grams unshelled) + 1 large egg yolk (~19 grams unshelled)
1 tablespoon (15 grams) vanilla extract
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
¼ teaspoon baking powder
125 grams (1 cup) all-purpose flour
170 grams (1 cup) semi-sweet or bittersweet chocolate chips

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 350 degrees. Line an 8-by-8-inch baking pan with parchment paper.
    2. In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and brown sugar. Whisk in the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla until smooth. Whisk in the salt and baking powder. Using a silicone spatula, fold in the flour and chocolate chips just until no streaks of flour remain; don’t overmix.
    3. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading evenly. Bake until the edges are set and the top is golden brown and puffed up some, about 25 to 30 minutes (check starting at 23 minutes). The middle will still be soft, but it will continue to cook as the blondies cool and you want a chewy center anyway.
    4. Cool completely in the pan. Remove using the parchment sling, loosening the edges with a paring knife as needed. Transfer to a cutting board and slice into 9 large or 16 small blondies.

Funfetti Blondies
Substitute 200 grams (1 cup) white granulated sugar and 50 grams (¼ cup) rainbow sprinkles for the brown sugar and chocolate chips.

Gluten-Free Blondies

Substitute 125 grams gluten-free flour blend for the all-purpose flour. You can add ¼ teaspoon xanthan gum for extra insurance that the blondies won’t be too crumbly.