Thursday, November 22, 2018

A peek inside my head

It isn't always this way in there, but this is sorta what it's like when I'm tired, or my leg hurts, or I'm otherwise on edge.



The Echo Chamber

Gum chew-Chew-CHEW chewing,
bubble blowing, pop-Pop-POP popping,
throat ahem-Ahem-AHEM clearing,
food m-m-m-masticating, chew-Chew-CHEW chewing,
pen click-click-click-Click-CLICK clicking,
knuckles crack-Crack-CRACK cracking,
keyboard tap-Tap-TAP tapping.
Sounds reverb-Verb-VERB reverberating,
bouncing around the bony shell of my skull.
Irritation rising,
sounds pluck-Pluck-PLUCK plucking at my nerves.

Coping strategies:
cover my ears;
run from the room;
listen to Mahler, Mendelssohn, Mozart,
anything to make it stop-Stop-STOP!

I just want to:
eat by breakfast, lunch, dinner;
read my paper;
drive downtown;
go to sleep,
in peace,
quietly.


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Lucy Grealy wrote that "[p]art of the job of being human is to consistently underestimate our effect on other people." (Autobiography of a Face [1994].) I look at the list of sounds that may set me off and see one or more things that each of you do (chewing your food, for god's sake). I asked Mom and she laughed and said you all know that it's my issue, not yours. But just in case ... the misophonia (and OCD* and whatever else) is my issue, not yours. I'm sorry if any of it had an effect on you and I didn't realize it. I may be old (like you always tell me), but it's never too late to make amends. Thanks for your patience.

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*You have no idea how long it takes me to write and re-write each of these dumb-ass episodes before I'll actually hit "Publish."

*********

Dylan asked if I had a good stuffing recipe ("or what?"), so I sent him the family's traditional recipe. I haven't made this myself in years, but the baking instructions seemed way off, so I've changed them as seemed appropriate.



Artichoke Stuffing

Adapted from a recipe in Pop-pop and Grandma Judy's files, with no indication as to the original provenance and I can't find it on the internet

14 slices good white or wheat bread (such as Arnold Country White or Trader Joe's Harvest Whole Wheat)
18 ounces jarred artichoke hearts, with liquid marinade (preferably), or frozen
½ cup (118 grams) water
stick (4 ounces) unsalted butter
2 medium onions (4 to 6 ounces each), chopped
salt
¼ cup minced fresh parsley
1 teaspoon minced fresh thyme, or ¼ teaspoon dried
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
freshly ground black pepper

    1. The night before you're going to make the stuffing, tear or cut the bread into ½-inch pieces. Spread the pieces evenly across two 18-by-13-inch baking sheets.
    2. When you're ready to cook, place two racks in the center of the oven, and heat to 375 degrees. Spray a 13-by-9-inch casserole dish with nonstick cooking spray.
    3. Place the baking sheets in the oven, and toast the bread pieces until golden brown, about 8 minutes, rotating the pans after 4 minutes. Watch carefully. Set aside to cool. Lower the oven temperature to 325 degrees.
    4. Place the artichoke hearts (reserving the marinade) and water in a large saucepan. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 5 minutes (or until tender if using frozen artichoke hearts). Drain the artichokes (reserving the water if using frozen artichoke hearts), then chop them coarsely and place in a large bowl.
    5. In a 12-inch skillet, melt the butter over medium heat. Stir in the onions. Season with a good pinch of salt, and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and translucent but not browned, about 5 to 7 minutes.
    6. Add the cooked onions to the large bowl, together with the toasted bread pieces, parsley, thyme, lemon zest, and salt and pepper to taste. Mix well, then moisten the mixture with the reserved artichoke marinade (or some of the artichoke cooking water if using frozen artichoke hearts).
    7. Scrape the mixture into the prepared baking pan, and cover with aluminum foil. Bake, stirring occasionally and adding more water as necessary, for 45 minutes or until soft. Uncover and bake until the top is browned, about 20 more minutes.

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