Scrooge

Tis the season for holiday despair. You'd think there was nowhere to go but up from when we lost Grandma Pina five years ago during the Christmas That Wasn't, which also included a flu-induced trip to the ER for me and Cassie's record-breaking pukefest. But it never seems to get any better for me.

It's impossible to watch TV or listen to the radio after Halloween without being bludgeoned by the neverending consumerism that drives this country, and to which we are certainly not immune. My apologies to Dr. Seuss, but it sure seems like Christmas comes from a store, in lots of boxes with big stylized smiles on them, unless someone swipes them off your porch first. And to make this year extra special, we can add President Tweety Bird's "big beautiful tax cut" for himself and his ilk to the list of Christmas abominations, while the sycophantic Republicans line up to kiss his Narcissistic ass. (Too bad Mitch McConnell (T.W.–Ky.) didn't bludgeon the ego-in-chief with that Louisville Slugger he gave him to celebrate their tax "victory.")

Every year, I hope this will finally be the year I go from "Bah! Humbug!" to knowing "how to keep Christmas well," but it hasn't happened yet. And this year I feel extra guilty as the holiday darkness descends again even though you are all here for a few weeks, and I can't help but think it could be the last time we'll all be together in one place for this long. I don't know, maybe I just need a little hot yoga to cheer me up.

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If you get invited to a holiday gathering—like some kind of women's only event, for example—and don't have much time or energy to bake a special something, then this is the recipe for you. You don't even have to turn on the oven. The hardest part is breaking the pretzel sticks into 1-inch pieces (which I had my sous chef Cassie do). And they taste surprisingly good; the sweet chocolate and candy work great with the salty pretzels and peanuts. Just be sure to use good white chocolate or these will be nasty.

No-Bake M&M’s Clusters

You really have to use good white chocolate for these cookies. I use Trader Joe's White Chocolate Baking Chips, which are made with real cocoa butter and vanilla extract. If you use something like Nestle Toll House Premier White Morsels, which have no cocoa butter at all, these will taste like Fido's rear end dipped in sickly sweet candy.

8 ounces good white chocolate chips or chopped white chocolate (see note)
3 ounces (1½ cups) thin pretzel sticks, broken into 1-inch pieces (you can use gluten-free pretzel sticks)*
4¼ ounces (1 cup) salted dry-roasted peanuts
3½ ounces (½ cup) mini M&M’s®

    1. Line a 13-by-18-inch baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone liner.

    2. In a medium bowl, microwave the chocolate at 30% power for 3 minutes. Stir thoroughly, even if the chocolate barely looks melted at all. Based on how much of the chocolate melted after the first zap, microwave again in increments of 5 to 15 seconds, stirring well each time. Melt the last pieces by stirring, so don’t keep zapping until there are no pieces left.

    3. Using a silicone spatula, gently fold the pretzel pieces and peanuts into the chocolate until evenly coated.

    4. Using two soup spoons—one to scoop and one to push the mixture off—place heaping tablespoon mounds onto the prepared baking sheet. Sprinkle the M&M’s over the top.  Refrigerate until the chocolate is set, about 30 minutes. Makes about 20 clusters.

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    *Snyder's of Hanover Gluten-Free Pretzel Sticks actually taste good. But please don't tell me they're better for you than regular pretzel sticks just because they're gluten free. Here are the ingredients in the gluten-free pretzel sticks: Corn starch, potato starch, tapioca starch, palm oil, dextrose, cellulose gum, baking powder, salt, citric acid, yeast, soy lecithin, soda. And here are the ingredients in Snyder's of Hanover [regular] Pretzel Sticks: Enriched flour, water, malt, salt, canola oil, yeast, soda.