Mystic's least favorite dinner

Mystic used to be such a well-adjusted little dog. Then came the big earthquake of 2011 centered over Mineral, Virginia, about 30 miles from Charlottesville. It didn't do much damage here, but we certainly felt it, and it did cause one picture to fall off the wall in our house. Mystic was terrified, and has never been the same when it comes to things like thunderstorms, which never used to bother her but she now rides out huddled in our closet.

And it's not just the really loud things like thunder and firecrackers that she's become neurotic about. A few times when I've made something that sizzles on the stovetop, it has set off the smoke alarm, which gets Mystic off her sofa and running for our bedroom. One or two of those and now she makes a break for it anytime the sizzling starts in the kitchen (anytime I'm cooking now, almost). And this recipe is the ultimate sizzler and smoker. You may want to open up your windows and cover up the smoke alarm before starting on this one (don't forget to uncover the alarm when you're done!). But they are some dang tasty cheeseburgers, and well worth a little smoke. To me anyway; for Mystic, not so much.

Stovetop Cheeseburgers

Adapted from J. Kenji López-Alt via Serious Eats

The original recipe calls for fatty ground chuck to keep the burgers moist, but I use "ground beef" from my market purveyors and it works fine even though it's leaner.

4 high-quality hamburger rolls (such as Martin's Potato Rolls or Trader Joe's Classic Hamburger Buns), toasted
Condiments and toppings such as ketchup, lettuce leaves, onion rings, tomato rings, and/or pickles
1 pound grass-fed beef, divided into eight 2-ounce balls (use your scale for this one)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 slices American cheese, such as Kraft Singles or Trader Joe's Organic American Slices

    1. The burgers have to be prepared one at a time, but they cook in about a minute, so have everything ready to go as each burger comes off the pan. Place the toasted buns on 2–4 plates (depending on how many people you're feeding), with whatever toppings you're using already laid out on the bottom buns.
    2. Heat a 12-inch stainless steel skillet or straight-sided sauté pan over medium-high heat for a few minutes. Place 2 balls of beef centered on either side of the pan. Press down hard on each ball with a heavy metal spatula (skip the cookie spatula for this job). The smashed patties should be very thin and a wee bit wider than the bun.
    3. Season each patty generously with salt and pepper, and cook until the bottoms are well-browned and the tops are starting to turn pale pink/gray in spots, about a minute. Use the spatula to carefully scrape the patties up from the pan, getting as much of the browned bits as you can.
    4. Flip the patties, then place a slice of cheese over one patty and stack the second patty on top of the first. Transfer to the waiting bun, and serve immediately. Repeat with the remaining burgers. Serves 2–4 (Dylan and I easily went through two of these each).