The pros and cons of getting married

You all know how Mom advocates for using the "four-square" method to make a tough decision—write down all of the pros and cons for both your choices in four separate boxes, then weigh everything up. I don't really get how that differs from just having two columns with the pros and cons, but Mom swears her way is subtly better. Whatever.

If you want to see it done the old-fashioned way (with just two columns), check out this famous example by Charles Darwin, in which he debated with himself the pros and cons of getting married—not to anyone in particular (yet), just the idea of getting married. Taking a cue from Shakespeare, he titled his list "This is the question," which should give you a clue as to what Darwin thought he might be getting himself into, given that Hamlet was deciding whether or not to kill himself when he pondered, "To be or not to be." Here are Darwin's thoughts on marriage:

Marry

Children — (if it Please God) — Constant companion, (& friend in old age) who will feel interested in one, — object to be beloved & played with. —  —better than a dog anyhow. — Home, & someone to take care of house — Charms of music & female chit-chat. — These things good for one's health. — Forced to visit & receive relations but terrible loss of time. —

My God, it is intolerable to think of spending ones whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, & nothing after all. — No, no won't do. — Imagine living all one's day solitarily in smoky dirty London House. — Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa with good fire, & books & music perhaps — Compare this vision with the dingy reality of Grt. Marlbro' St.

Not Marry

No children, (no second life), no one to care for one in old age.— What is the use of working 'in' without sympathy from near & dear friends—who are near & dear friends to the old, except relatives

Freedom to go where one liked — choice of Society & little of it.  — Conversation of clever men at clubs — Not forced to visit relatives, & to bend in every trifle. — to have the expense & anxiety of children — perhaps quarelling — Loss of time. — cannot read in the Evenings — fatness & idleness — Anxiety & responsibility — less money for books &c — if many children forced to gain one's bread. — (But then it is very bad for ones health to work too much)

Perhaps my wife won't like London; then the sentence is banishment & degradation into indolent, idle fool —

Totting up both sides of the ledger, Darwin came to the emphatic conclusion that it was time to "Marry — Marry — Marry  Q.E.D." But not without a little more doubt creeping in as he next considered:

It being proved necessary to Marry

When? Soon or Late

The Governor says soon for otherwise bad if one has children — one's character is more flexible —one's feelings more lively & if one does not marry soon, one misses so much good pure happiness. —

But then if I married tomorrow: there would be an infinity of trouble & expense in getting & furnishing a house, —fighting about no Society —morning calls — awkwardness —loss of time every day. (without one's wife was an angel, & made one keep industrious). — Then how should I manage all my business if I were obliged to go every day walking with one's my wife. — Eheu!! I never should know French, — or see the Continent — or go to America, or go up in a Balloon, or take solitary trip in Wales — poor slave. — you will be worse than a negro — And then horrid poverty, (without one's wife was better than an angel & had money) — Never mind my boy — Cheer up — One cannot live this solitary life, with groggy old age, friendless & cold, & childless staring one in ones face, already beginning to wrinkle. — Never mind, trust to chance —keep a sharp look out — There is many a happy slave —

Having finally talked himself into a lifetime of conjugal slavery, Darwin kept his resolve and within six months married his cousin Emma Wedgewood, with whom he propagated his genes in a big way by having ten children (talk about having "less money for books &c"). And since a wife is "better than a dog anyhow," who can say he made the wrong choice in the end?

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Darwin's careful (one might say obsessive) consideration of every angle may explain why I am not a famous scientist. When I was deciding whether to marry your mother, I knew that I loved her madly and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, which was all the information I needed, four square be damned. It worked out well for me too, though, as I still love her madly and still want to spend the rest of my life with her, nearly 30 years after we got married.[1]

But if I had engaged in a Darwinian calculus of the pros and cons of marrying Mom, I would have put in the plus column that I love having someone to cook for who is so appreciative of all the food I put in front of her. That includes this dish, which I have made three or four times now, and Mom and I have gobbled up each time (for at least two nights—it makes enough for leftovers if you have it with a salad).

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[1] Our 30th anniversary is this summer, for any of you trying to get a head start on finding that perfect present for us. 🎁 You can never start thinking about these things too early, you know.

Creamy Brown Rice with Mushrooms and Peas

Adapted from Power Plates (2018) by Gena Hamshaw via The Full Helping

Time: 1:10 (not including the cashew cream, which I make the day before; most of this time is just waiting for the brown rice to cook)

The original recipe calls for short-grain brown rice. Short-grain rice yields a creamier, more risotto-like final product, but it doesn’t cook as well in my rice cooker, so I’ve also used my standard Trader Joe’s Brown Jasmine Rice. That will also save you from having to keep two kinds of brown rice around (and the short-grain brown rice can be a little harder to find).

For the cashew cream
95 grams (¾ cup) raw cashews
⅔ cup (160 grams) water
¼ teaspoon fine sea salt

For the rice
270 grams (1½ standard measuring cups; 2 rice cooker cups) brown rice
1 tablespoon (13 grams) extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon (14 grams) unsalted butter
1 large shallot, minced (~½ cup)
4 medium garlic cloves, minced or pressed
225 to 280 grams (8 to 10 ounces) cremini or white button mushrooms, ends trimmed and sliced, or shiitake mushrooms, stemmed and sliced
½ teaspoon fine sea salt, plus a pinch
225 grams/8 ounces fresh or frozen (unthawed) peas
¼ cup (60 grams) water
1 tablespoon (15 grams) freshly squeezed lemon juice, more if desired
freshly ground black pepper
Parmesan cheese

    1. For the cashew cream: Place the cashews in a small bowl (or your personal blender cup) with water to cover by an inch or two. Let the cashews soak for at least 2 hours. Drain, then place the cashews, ⅔ cup fresh water, and salt in a blender (a high-power personal blender like a NutriBullet works great). Blend on the highest speed until completely smooth. You can do this ahead of time and park the cashew cream in the fridge (in a spare personal blender cup with the lid on) for up to 5 days. I make the cashew cream a day ahead, which allows it to thicken up nicely, then take it out of the fridge when I start the rice. Makes 1 cup cashew cream.
    2. Cook the rice in your rice cooker. If you don’t have a rice cooker, you can follow the directions in the original recipe for making the rice.
    3. While the rice is cooking, you can prep all the other ingredients and have them ready to go. Also, bring some water to a roiling boil in a medium saucepan.
    4. Once the rice is cooked and steaming, heat the oil and butter over medium heat in a saucier, skillet, or sauté pan. When the butter is melted, stir in the shallot and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and translucent but not browned, about 2–3 minutes. Stir in the garlic, mushrooms, and a good pinch of salt, and cook, stirring frequently, until the mushrooms have shed their juices, the juices have evaporated, and the mushrooms are golden brown and delicious, about 7–8 minutes.
    5. While the mushrooms are cooking, add the peas to the boiling water and cook until bright green and tender, about 2 minutes. Drain in a small colander.
    6. In a large serving bowl, combine the peas, mushroom mixture, cooked rice, cashew cream, water, lemon juice, ½ teaspoon salt, and a few twists of fresh pepper. Add a little more water if necessary. Taste for seasoning. Serve promptly with freshly grated Parmesan cheese and more lemon, if desired. Serves 3–4 with a side salad.