National Haiku Poetry Day, C'ville style

April 17 was National Haiku Poetry Day (and National Cheeseball Day, too).* Some geniuses in the Charlottesville City Government thought they should have some fun with this, so they invited "any poets out there" to "create a haiku about Charlottesville and tag us! #NationalHaikuPoetryDay" on Twitter. What they no doubt expected were a few cute little haiku about the quirky side of C'ville. Here is the one, and only one, haiku they got in that vein:

    What other city
    Waits for months and years for a
    Bodo's to open?

After that, it was open season on the City Government, starting with a more polite polemicist:

    Mass transportation?
    No such decent system in
    this "world class city"

One local activist was not nearly so deferential:

    You treat black people
    Like trash. You built on stolen
    Monacan land, too.

    Tear the monuments
    Down for fuck’s sake just do it
    You total cowards

    I’m glad you banned sticks
    And posters from our parks but
    Not assault rifles

    We tried to tell you
    Nazis are all terrorists
    But you ignored us

At lease those efforts were directed at City Government generally. Another troll aimed his rage haiku squarely at C'ville's two black City Councillors, Mayor Nikuyah Walker and Wes Bellamy:

    Why would you run for
    Mayor of a town you hate?
    A masked illusion.

    South Bend has Pete B,

    Charlottesville has Nikuyah...

    We deserve better.

    Is anyone hungry?
    Just give Bellamy a call,
    City credit card.

    Create a problem,
    Write shitty book about it,
    Bellamy’s cash grab.

I bet the City Government was so glad they decided to have a little fun with National Haiku Poetry Day after enduring that barrage. Maybe they should stick to celebrating days that invite less feedback, like National Lumpy Rug Day (May 3), or better yet, something everyone can get behind like National Chocolate Chip Day (May 15 if you want to get in the spirit and make yourselves the holy grail of chocolate chip cookies):

    Katherine Redford:
    We are forever grateful,
    The chocolate chip queen.

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*Someone is having a field day with these "National" days. Some days there are as many a dozen of these things. April 30, for example, included: National Bubble Tea Day; National Sarcoidosis Day; National Military Brats Day; National PrepareAthon! Day; National Honesty Day (did anyone tell the Tweeter-in-Chief, who recently made the 10,000th "false or misleading claim" of his presidency, about this?); National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day; National Bugs Bunny Day; National Hairstylist Appreciation Day; National Oatmeal Cookie Day; and Cassie's favorite, National Raisin Day.

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I thought of trying a different chocolate chip cookie recipe in honor of National Chocolate Chip Day. In particular, these Salted Chocolate Chunk Shortbread Cookies by Alison Roman have supposedly "broken" the internet. But they're a lot like the Double Chocolate Refrigerator Sablés I already posted, and those have the benefit of being double chocolate cookies, so they're different enough from Katherine Redford's that you might want to make them once in a while for a change, unlike Alison Roman's, which I figure none of you would ever make in preference to Katherine Redford's. So I made these instead, and they were a huge hit with everyone.

Mom has been making some version of peanut butter blossom cookies for years, but they have the obvious flaw of being made with disgusting peanut butter. I've tried other recipes, often brownies, that are supposed to deliver a s'mores-like experience without the campfire, but they always fall short of the mark. Until now. These really are "perfect." They're more involved than a lot of other drop cookies, because of the marshmallow broiling and Hershey's Kiss unwrapping, but they make for a good project to do with a baking buddy (thanks, Cassie!) when you get to steps 4 and 5. And these will definitely wow your friends if you a have a holiday cookie exchange every year (even if you don't bother to invite any Y chromosomes).

S’mores Blossom Cookies

Adapted from The Perfect Cookie: Jack’s Favorites (2017) by America’s Test Kitchen (I downloaded the PDF for free after taking an online ATK survey)

Time: 45 minutes

I made crumbs out of the graham crackers by placing them in a plastic bag and smashing them with the bottom of a cast-iron skillet until the crumbs were pretty fine, with some slightly larger pieces. You can also use a food processor to make the crumbs.

177 grams (~1½ cups) all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon (rounded) fine sea salt
8 tablespoons (1 stick; 113 grams) unsalted butter, cut into pieces and softened
100 grams (½ cup) granulated sugar
100 grams (~1 cup) crumbs from 7 or 8 whole graham crackers, divided (see note)
1 large egg (~57 grams in the shell), room temperature
1 teaspoon (4 grams) vanilla extract
12 large marshmallows, halved crosswise
24 Hershey’s Kisses, unwrapped

    1. Place racks in the two center rungs of the oven. Ideally, the bottom rack will be about 9 to 10 inches from the broiler element at the top of the oven if you have an electric oven. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Line two 18-by-13-inch baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone liners.
    2. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
    3. In a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the softened butter, sugar, and 50 grams (~½ cup) of the graham cracker crumbs on medium-high speed (4 on our KitchenAid) until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Scrape down the sides of the bowl with a silicone spatula. Add the egg and vanilla and beat on medium-high speed until fluffy, about 15 seconds. Scrape the bowl down. Add the flour mixture and mix on the lowest speed (“Stir” on the KitchenAid) until just combined.
    4. Spread the remaining graham cracker crumbs evenly across a large dinner plate. Now is the time to enlist a baking buddy if you have one handy. Scoop the dough into 1 tablespoon mounds. A #60 (2 teaspoon) cookie scoop works well for this job if your scoops are slightly rounded beyond the edge of the scoop (it took me 5 or 6 squeezes to release each mound of the sticky dough). You should have about 24 dough mounds. Roll each mound into a ball between your palms, then roll in the graham cracker crumbs to coat. Evenly space 12 dough balls across each prepared baking sheet. Bake until the cookies are just set and starting to crack on the sides, 10 to 12 minutes. Let the cookies cool, still on the baking sheets, on wire racks for 5 minutes. ( I would bake the first sheet of cookies on the top rack for 5 minutes, then rotate the pan from front to back and also move it to the bottom rack for the rest of the baking time, while starting the second pan on the top rack. You have to pay closer attention to the baking time [that’s why you have a triple kitchen timer], but it makes the timing for the next step work out better.)
    5. Heat the broiler (if you have an electric oven, you're switching from "Bake" to "Broil"). After the cookies have cooled for 5 minutes, place 1 marshmallow half, cut side down, in the center of each cookie. Place one sheet of cookies on the bottom rack (the one that should be set 9 to 10 inches from the broiler element). Broil until the marshmallows are deep golden brown, 30 to 45 seconds, moving the sheet around a little if needed to achieve even browning. Watch carefully as the marshmallows will go from browned to burned in no time, just like in a real campfire. Move the sheet back onto the wire rack. Immediately place 1 Hershey’s Kiss into the center of each marshmallow, pressing down gently. Repeat this process with the other sheet of cookies. These are best eaten when the bottom cookie layers are completely cool, but the marshmallow and chocolate layers are still a little warm and oozy; we waited about 20 to 30 minutes before eating. Makes about 2 dozen cookies.