How you all see me

Yesterday Cassie was futzing around on Instagram with "what_spongebobmeme_are_you." Except she picked memes for everyone but herself. Here's what she found for “Paul”:

Cassie did a family group text to show off her "hilarious" memes, and Dylan immediately chimed in that "Paul is too accurate!" So now I have a pretty good picture of how y'all see me. Mom thinks I look like a middle-aged librarian, while at least two of you think of me as a freak well past the point of just being neurotic. Oh well, I suppose it could be worse ...

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Our family's love of lentils is well documented. Even with 11 lentil recipes on UaKS already, I'm always on the lookout for more. You know this one is worthwhile because even Cassie, who is usually the lone lentil dissenter among us, liked these lentil sloppy joes enough to ask that I post the recipe. The ingredient list looks kind of long, but you can do all the prep work while the lentils are cooking, so it's not a difficult recipe at all.

Lentil Sloppy Joes

Adapted from Food52 Vegan (2015) by Gena Hamshaw and Food52

Time: ~45 minutes (or more, depending on how long it takes to cook your lentils)

Optional toppings for the sloppy joes include hot sauce (such as sriracha), sliced pickles, sliced onions (or pickled onions), sauerkraut, coleslaw, or avocado slices (or pickled avocado).

200 grams (~1 cup) regular brown or green (not du Puy) lentils, picked over and rinsed
590 grams (2½ cups) water
¾ teaspoon fine sea salt, plus ¼ teaspoon
1 medium (~170 grams) white or yellow onion
1 green or red bell pepper
1 garlic clove
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon dry mustard powder
½ teaspoon smoked paprika
1 (14.5-ounce) can fire-roasted crushed or diced tomatoes
45 grams (3 tablespoons) tomato paste
1 tablespoon brown sugar (12 grams) or maple syrup (20 grams)
1 tablespoon (15 grams) apple cider vinegar
¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
27 grams (2 tablespoons) extra-virgin olive oil
8 hamburger buns, toasted

    1. Place the lentils, water, and ¾ teaspoon salt in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat to maintain a lively simmer (medium or a notch or two below). Cook, stirring occasionally, until the lentils are tender but not mushy and still hold their shape, about 15 to 30 minutes, depending on the type and age of your lentils. Add a little water if needed to keep the lentils barely submerged. Drain.
    2. While the lentils are cooking, chop the onion into ½-inch pieces.
    3. Remove the ribs and seeds from the bell pepper, then chop it into ½-inch pieces.
    4. Mince the garlic clove.
    5. Combine the chili powder, mustard powder, and smoked paprika in a small prep bowl.
    6. Combine the tomatoes, tomato paste, brown sugar or maple syrup, vinegar, ¼ teaspoon salt, and pepper in a small bowl.
    7. Heat the oil in a large saucier or pot over medium heat. Stir in the chopped onion and pepper and sauté, stirring occasionally, until the onion is softened and translucent but not browned, about 8 minutes.
    8. Add the minced garlic and the spice mixture (from step 5). Stir until the onion and pepper are coated with the mixture and the garlic is fragrant, 1 to 2 minutes.
    9. Stir in the cooked and drained lentils and the tomato mixture (from step 6), and cook, stirring occasionally, until the flavors have melded and the mixture is thickened to your liking, about 5 minutes. If you like looser sloppy joes (I don't), you can stir in a little water as needed. Taste for seasoning.
    10. Serve with whatever toppings you like, if any (see note). Makes 8 sandwiches.