Social fitness

I've been reading lots of stuff lately saying that the quality of your social relationships (your "social fitness") may be the single most important factor in your happiness and well-being. A couple of new studies offer slightly different viewpoints on determining what kind of social relationships to foster.

  Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash 

The first study was led by a couple of Harvard Business School professors and summarized in a recent article on the HBS website. Because it's a business school study, the authors used some unfortunate jargon to make their point, which is that you should "diversify" your "social portfolio" to get the most bang for your relational buck. In other words, the authors found that "interacting with a variety of connections had greater bearing on a person's happiness than how much of the day that person spent interacting with other people."* Despite the annoying investment terminology, the idea makes some intuitive sense. As HBS professor Michael Norton explained it, “If you spend 12 straight hours with your spouse, maybe adding the thirteenth hour isn’t as good for you as using that hour for a new relationship with a different person.” (To bleed the economics analogy completely dry, Norton likened this to the law of diminishing returns.) If you're with someone other than your partner or another close tie, you have to make more of an effort to be friendly and ask questions and just generally try different things, which opens up the range of emotions you experience, as well as "sparking connection and feelings of well-being." To that end, the authors suggest reallocating some of your social time to fostering connections with different people, such as (everyone's favorite in these studies) "chat[ting] with your local barista." (Does everyone out there spend that much more time in coffee shops than me?) Other options include "strik[ing] up a conversation with a colleague [or] reach[ing] out to an old acquaintance."

 

The last of those options was the subject of the other study, out of the University of Kansas, which found that "just one quality conversation with a friend during the day makes you happier and less stressed by day's end." While a face-to-face communication is best, even a telephone conversation will do. And it doesn't even matter so much what you talk about. The authors studied seven types of communication—catching up, meaningful talk, joking around, showing care, listening, valuing others and their opinions, and offering sincere compliments—and they were all effective in increasing well-being and reducing stress. What mattered most was just the "very act of intentionally reaching out to a friend in one of these ways."

 

So, two different studies but with compatible findings. Broaden your social circles a little bit and spend some time socializing with people other than your partners—such as by talking to strangers or having a nice conversation with a buddy—and you'll be happier and less stressed out.

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*And not just your happiness but your health too. An earlier study found that test subjects exposed to a cold virus (via nasal drops—they had to pay each person $800 to sign up for that misery!) were four times more likely to get sick if they regularly engaged with only one to three kinds of social relationships as opposed to subjects who engaged with six or more types of social ties. The different kinds of relationships were: spouse, parents, parents-in-law, children, other close family members, close neighbors, friends, workmates, schoolmates, fellow volunteers, members of groups without religious affiliations (e.g., social, recreational, or professional), and members of religious groups. The study's conclusion was that "[m]ore diverse social networks were associated with greater resistance to upper respiratory illness." Keep that in mind during cold and flu season.

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Here's something you can make for friends you have over to increase your social fitness. I didn't think this was something anyone would ever want to make on their own, but Brad loved (and scarfed) this stuff, especially after I revisited the headnote from the original recipe and we discovered that it's significantly better served toasted and slathered with butter. As treats go, it's decidedly un-fatty (till you douse it with butter anyway) and not terribly sweet. It's also very easy to pull together, once you have the ingredients. Give it a try!

Earl Grey Tea Bread

Adapted from Ruby Tandoh via Food & Wine (Jan. 1, 2020)

Time: ~1:20 (~30 minutes active)

There is no fat in this recipe other than the egg yolks, which is why it’s supposed to be served toasted and “with a perfect, thick layer of butter.”

2 single-serving Earl Grey tea bags
295 grams (1¼ cups) boiling water
225 grams / 8 ounces (2 cups) prunes (i.e., dried plums)
2 large eggs
125 grams (½ cup + 2 tablespoons) light brown sugar
1½ teaspoons orange zest from 1 medium orange
2½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
300 grams (2½ cups) all-purpose flour
Salted butter or unsalted butter and flaky sea salt (such as Maldon), for serving (see note)

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 350 degrees. Spray a 9-by-5-inch (1¼-pound) loaf pan with nonstick cooking spray.
    2. In a 2-cup glass measuring cup (or a small bowl), steep the tea bags in the boiling water for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, chop or cut the prunes into quarters. After 10 minutes of steeping, discard the tea bags (or transfer them to a mug and make yourself a cup of tea). Add the quartered prunes to the measuring cup and soak in the tea for 10 minutes. Get the rest of your ingredients together in the meantime.
    3. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs until homogeneous. Using a silicone spatula, slowly stir in the tea (to temper the eggs rather than cooking them in the warm tea) and then the prunes. Stir in the brown sugar and orange zest.
    4. Sprinkle the baking power and fine sea salt over the tea mixture, then add the flour and mix gently until no streaks of dry flour remain. Scrape the batter into the loaf pan. Bake until golden brown and delicious and a tester inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean, about 45 to 48 minutes. Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let cool for 10 minutes, then remove the bread from the pan and cool completely.
    5. To serve, cut into slices and toast in a toaster or dry skillet. Spread generously with salted butter, or unsalted butter and some flaky sea salt. Leftover bread keeps for up to 3 days wrapped in plastic at room temperature.