A talking-to-strangers tale

For all my trumpeting the work of Nick Epley at the University of Chicago, I was surprised to find that I haven't actually mentioned on UaKS his 2014 study "Mistakenly Seeking Solitude,"[1] which I see and hear cited and discussed all the time. That's the one where Epley and his colleague Juliana Schroeder instructed commuters on Chicago trains and buses to (1) connect with a stranger near them, (2) remain disconnected, or (3) commute as normal. The study participants reported a more positive experience when they connected with their fellow commuters than when they did not. (Leave those earbuds out!) But that was the opposite of what participants had expected to find, when the researchers asked them beforehand how they thought it would go. The authors' conclusion: "Human beings are social animals. Those who misunderstand the consequences of social interactions may not, in at least some contexts, be social enough for their own well-being," that is, they are "undersocial."[2] I've listened to various conversations with Epley where he talks about putting this idea into practice in his own life by constantly chatting up the people he meets everyday (including every psychologist's favorite, the barista).

 

Thanks to Epley, I've been trying to do this myself for a while now. It's usually just a pleasant way to pass a few minutes. But sometimes you have some real moments of joy, like last week at Trader Joe's. There was a new guy checking me out, and it only took me two seconds to realize he had a heavy Italian accent. So I asked if he spoke Italian. He put both hands over his heart and said, "Oh, yes, I am Italian." So I started speaking to him in Italian and his face just lit up. He asked how I learned Italian and I told him Grandma Pina grew up there and I used to go every summer. He asked where. Since pretty much no one has heard of Calimera, I said Lecce. Incredibly, he said he had gotten his Ph.D. in Lecce. But he grew up in Naples and had lived in Rome, too. Which of course led to a quick discussion of our soccer rooting interests, Napoli for him and Roma for me. By then, the next person in line was getting antsy, so we had to say goodbye ("arrivederci" for him and "ciao" for me). But he said he'd look for me the next time I was at Trader Joe's. That made my whole day, and I'm sure it brightened his considerably too. 

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[1] Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143, 1980-1999.

 

[2] See Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2023). Undersociality is unwise. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 33(1), 199-212. In that paper, Epley and his co-author again concluded that "people consistently underestimate how positively others will respond to their other-oriented actions. Because connecting with others consistently increases people's own wellbeing, miscalibrated social cognition may lead to undersociality: being overly reluctant to reach out and connect with others."

 

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We've been heavy into the baking recipes lately, which I know is less popular than dinner stuff. But here is a dinner you'll be happy to have in your repertoire. I got this into the oven in about 13 minutes, with no chopping except for one shallot and the feta blocks. More importantly, it's delicious too. Mom, Brad, and I all loved it and we scarfed the whole pan ourselves in one sitting. This is the definition of an easy "Tuesday dinner."

 

Look for this one, and a few others, in the new "Sheet Pan Dinners" section of the UaKS "Recipes" page. Like slow cooker recipes, sheet pan dinners tend to be heavy on the meat, but I'll be trying to add more options in both categories as I find ones that work for vegetarians. 

Sheet-Pan Chickpeas and Tomatoes with Feta

Adapted from Ali Slagle via NYT Cooking (updated Feb. 16, 2024)

Time: ~45 minutes (13 minutes active)

2 (15.5-ounce) cans of chickpeas
1 shallot
2 pints/1 quart (~525 grams) grape, cherry, or Sungold tomatoes
53 grams (¼ cup) extra-virgin olive oil
42 grams (2 tablespoons) honey
1 teaspoon mild chile flakes (like Silk) or ½ teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
¼ teaspoon smoked paprika
Several good pinches of Diamond Crystal kosher salt
10 to 16 ounces feta cheese, preferably sheep’s milk (as cow’s milk feta is too lean to withstand roasting)
Pita and/or yogurt, for serving

    1. Place a rack in the center of the oven; heat to 400 degrees.
    2. Drain and rinse the chickpeas, then shake them as dry as you can. Transfer to an 18-by-13-inch (half-sheet) baking pan and pat a little drier with paper towels.
    3. Peel the shallot. Cut in half lengthwise, then slice thinly crosswise. Transfer to the pan with the chickpeas.
    4. Add the tomatoes (left whole), oil, honey, chile flakes, smoked paprika, and salt. Stir well to coat everything.
    5. Slice the feta blocks into 1-inch-thick pieces. Tuck the feta in among the chickpeas and tomatoes.
    6. Roast until the feta is soft, the tomatoes are collapsing, and the chickpeas are golden brown, about 30 to 35 minutes, no stirring required. Serve immediately, as the feta firms back up as it cools, with pita and/or yogurt, if desired. Serves 3 to 4.