There is so much good information in both books about the how, what, and why of social connection, or "social health" to use Killam's term, which she defines as the aspect of well-being and overall health, which also includes physical health and mental health, that comes from connection. It's hard to know exactly how much social connection you need, and that differs from person to person anyway, but Killam came up with a useful 5–3–1 rule of thumb, based on two "evidence briefs" published in 2022 by the Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health.*
First, connect with five different people each week. This can include family members, friends, or coworkers, and the way you connect with them could include meeting in person, catching up over the phone or FaceTime, or some other way. This can also include "weak ties" such as (every social scientist's favorite!) the barista who serves you your morning coffee (or Saturday morning taco in my case).
Second, maintain at least three close relationships in general. These are the folks in your innermost circle. Killam suggests that you might identify your close relationships by thinking about who you use as an emergency contact on forms or by opening the Messages app on your iPhone and seeing whose conversations you have pinned to the top.
And third, dedicate at least one hour each day to quality social interaction. Ideally, the minimum of one hour per day would be "engaging rather than rote."
Some of us are already putting into practice several of Killam's suggestions for ways to get all of this social connection in. For example, Killam suggests having a regular time to meet up with friends, which I do on Saturday mornings with my running buddies and Mom does once a week walking with her friends and once a month with her book group. Killam also suggests combining things you're already doing with social connection, which Cassie does when she calls home every Sunday morning on the way to work and Mom does when she calls friends and family members while walking around our neighborhood. As for quality social interaction, skip social media and have deeper conversations by asking more and better questions and, especially, follow-up questions, which shows you are listening to your conversation partner and curious about them. Sound familiar?
If you're looking to broaden your social circles, Franco has my favorite piece of advice, which is based on closing the "liking gap." That is a phenomenon shown in many social science studies in which people consistently underestimate how much their interaction partner will like them (before the fact) or did like them (after the interaction). The easy way to correct for this systematic bias is to assume people like you. Franco explains that "[w]hen we assume others will like us, we not only display behaviors that foreshadow our acceptance, we also become more accurate in our predictions of reality." Assuming people will like you helps you take the initiative in friendship, which someone has to do if you're going to make, and keep, friends.
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