How to make Mom happy

I just read Drop Dead Healthy, which is a fun book by A.J. Jacobs, who used to write a humor column for Esquire magazine. Jacobs spent two years trying all sorts of different things to try to live healthier and ultimately achieve "bodily perfection." One thing he mentioned early in the book was filling his apartment with plants he called "mother-in-law's tongue," which he says "got their name because of the sharpness of the leaves." (JC would obviously never find this humorous.) They're better known as snake plants (Sansevieria). Jacobs mentioned a NASA study finding that snake plants effectively clean the air in indoor spaces.

 

The Gray Lady goes rogue

Everyone knows how Brad and I love to do the Thursday through Saturday crosswords (the rest are too easy) from both the New York Times and Newsday, with Newsday's Saturday Stumper taking the prize as the best and most diabolical of them all. Dylan often complains about all of the "old people" clues and answers in crosswords. But more and more the New York Times is trying to prove a degree of coolness through some of the clues and answers in its crosswords. Last Friday's puzzle was about as far out on a limb as I've seen the Gray Lady, so nicknamed in part for its sober style, go:

 

Maybe the Times should change its famous slogan to "all the nudes that's fit to print." (And no, we did not need The Closer's help to finish this puzzle.)

 

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The 5-3-1 rule of social connection

My social science reading for this year (which, as usual, is most of my reading) has included two excellent books about social connection: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends (2022) by Marisa Franco; and The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier (2024) by Kasley Killam. They're both available through Libby.

 

There is so much good information in both books about the how, what, and why of social connection, or "social health" to use Killam's term, which she defines as the aspect of well-being and overall health, which also includes physical health and mental health, that comes from connection. It's hard to know exactly how much social connection you need, and that differs from person to person anyway, but Killam came up with a useful 5–3–1 rule of thumb, based on two "evidence briefs" published in 2022 by the Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health.*

First, connect with five different people each week. This can include family members, friends, or coworkers, and the way you connect with them could include meeting in person, catching up over the phone or FaceTime, or some other way. This can also include "weak ties" such as (every social scientist's favorite!) the barista who serves you your morning coffee (or Saturday morning taco in my case). 

 

Second, maintain at least three close relationships in general. These are the folks in your innermost circle. Killam suggests that you might identify your close relationships by thinking about who you use as an emergency contact on forms or by opening the Messages app on your iPhone and seeing whose conversations you have pinned to the top.

 

And third, dedicate at least one hour each day to quality social interaction. Ideally, the minimum of one hour per day would be "engaging rather than rote."

Some of us are already putting into practice several of Killam's suggestions for ways to get all of this social connection in. For example, Killam suggests having a regular time to meet up with friends, which I do on Saturday mornings with my running buddies and Mom does once a week walking with her friends and once a month with her book group. Killam also suggests combining things you're already doing with social connection, which Cassie does when she calls home every Sunday morning on the way to work and Mom does when she calls friends and family members while walking around our neighborhood. As for quality social interaction, skip social media and have deeper conversations by asking more and better questions and, especially, follow-up questions, which shows you are listening to your conversation partner and curious about them. Sound familiar?

If you're looking to broaden your social circles, Franco has my favorite piece of advice, which is based on closing the "liking gap." That is a phenomenon shown in many social science studies in which people consistently underestimate how much their interaction partner will like them (before the fact) or did like them (after the interaction). The easy way to correct for this systematic bias is to assume people like you. Franco explains that "[w]hen we assume others will like us, we not only display behaviors that foreshadow our acceptance, we also become more accurate in our predictions of reality." Assuming people will like you helps you take the initiative in friendship, which someone has to do if you're going to make, and keep, friends.

 

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* See Kiffer Card, Cindy Yu, Adam Frost, Jocelle Refol, Pete Bombaci (2022) “Evidence Brief – How many friends do you need?” Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health; Kiffer Card, Cindy Yu, Adam Frost, Jocelle Refol, Pete Bombaci (2022) “Evidence Brief – How much social time do we need?” Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health.

 

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A perfect Friday evening

This is very geeky but yesterday we had the perfect Friday evening. Driving over to the semiannual Friends of the Library book sale, Mom, Brad, and I listened to a hilarious new episode ("Georgetown Massacre Part 1") of the Revisionist History podcast dealing with the "Varsity Blues" college admissions scandal. Then we lined up for the book sale, all the way by Aldi's there were so many people. It was a banner year at the book sale, from my perspective: 

This is the stack of books that $32 buys you at the book sale.

I found all that in an hour, after which Mom and Brad were ready to go, because it was a pretty warm and humid day yesterday, and it was hot, crowded, and stinky in the book sale. There are always professional book sellers in there using b.o. to clear a wide berth around themselves while they take all the best books to resell at marked-up prices in their bookstores. Brad deployed countermeasures by farting near a particularly malodorous offender.

After the book sale, we made our traditional beeline for takeout dinner from Bodo's. It's getting harder to argue with Brad that Bodo's is the best thing going: we picked up two Cleo salads, three sandwiches, and six more bagels to get us through the weekend, all for only $32! No wonder we were customer # 1367 for the day.

 

We ate dinner while watching an episode of Abbott Elementary, then we all did the big reveal of what treasures we picked up at the book sale. (One of my big divvies was a hardback copy, in pristine condition, of maybe the greatest running book ever: Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.) It doesn't get any better than that.

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The Closer

Lately, Mom has several times come up with a missing answer that cracks the last unsolved corner in one of the crossword puzzles Brad and I have been working. She even managed this on a Saturday Stumper. Luckily, Mom has been surprisingly humble about this. Not! 😆

 

 

In addition to writing braggadocious things trumpeting the one answer she got in the entire puzzle, Mom has started referring to herself as "The Closer." As in, "Have you guys gotten stuck yet? Hand it over to The Closer and I'll break it open for you." This is why Brad and I are especially happy when we solve all of the Stumper in one sitting.

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Outsourcing my blog, episode V: Moriah's back

When Dylan and I were staying in Charlottesville this spring, I made this every night for Jeopardy!. It comes together quick, and it’s just the right amount for one or two people to have a tasty few bites! 

Outsourcing my blog, episode IV: Mom finally takes her turn

The long and patiently awaited blog post about sourdough bread!

One of the few good things to come out of the pandemic was my learning how to make sourdough bread. The bread was so well received by my family that I have continued to make it weekly. It’s the least I can do for my wonderful husband, who made sure our children didn’t go starving when they moved out on their own by developing this wonderful blog. He’s wonderful in multiple other ways too, but this blog is an amazing illustration of how he managed his worries about his kids in a non-obtrusive yet incredibly effective way (a skill I have yet to develop). 

Anyways, back to the sourdough.